Attract Healthy Relationships

Quantum Worth By Quantum Worth , 16th Apr 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1xt3tbda/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Self Help

One of my greatest struggles on my own path to inner peace is creating and maintaining healthy boundaries. Are boundaries important? Yes and yes and yes. Without boundaries you’re life will fall into a series of events ridden with chaos, disappointment, victimhood, and hopelessness of varying degrees. For example, on a personal level, let’s say …

Attract Healty Relationships--Part 7

One of my greatest struggles on my own path to inner peace is creating and maintaining healthy boundaries. Are boundaries important? Yes and yes and yes. Without boundaries you’re life will fall into a series of events ridden with chaos, disappointment, victimhood, and hopelessness of varying degrees. For example, on a personal level, let’s say you want to quit drinking. That’s great but saying it is not enough, you have to create boundaries for yourself and then, here’s the hard part, adhere to them. A good boundary to set for not drinking is to stay away from bars. Seems obvious but you wouldn’t believe how many people quit drinking, frequent their local hangout, end up drinking and then blame it on the bar or the people in the bar or the bartender or their friend who bought them a drink. Now they not only drank, they violated their boundaries, and they made themselves into victims. This formula can be applied to many different things, over and over, including with our relationships with others. More on Quantum Worth Healing...

Let’s say your wife or husband expects you to make dinner every night and this bothers you. So, you might set a boundary that you are not going to make dinner more than four times a week. The healthy way to communicate this is using compassionate communication; such as, “Sweetheart, I feel irritated when I am the only one who makes dinner every night. I really need our relationship to be based on more equality. Are you willing to make dinner three nights a week?” If he/she answers yes, great; if he/she answers no, stick to your boundaries and simply let him/her know, “Well, I just want you to know that if I keep making dinner every night, I’m afraid I’ll become resentful; so I’m only going to make dinner four times a week because I value our relationship. Can we have a discussion about you helping out more?” Even if he/she always says no, which is probably unlikely if you are using compassionate communication (using “I” statements, I feel, I need, etc. not “you” statements, you’re lazy, you don’t help out, you take advantage, etc.), you need to stick to your boundaries. If you do not set boundaries or you are not able to make peace with yourself in continuing to make dinner every night, you are setting yourself up for pain and heartache. Notice I said “you” are setting yourself up. This is probably how the scenario would play out. More on Quantum Worth Healing...


You continue to make dinner, not communicating appropriately. You become aggravated, irritated and feel unappreciated and unequal in the relationship. Once in awhile you make remarks, you statements, “you’re so lazy”, “you don’t appreciate me”, “you think I’m your personal servant” until one day you blow up and let out a litany of complaints mixed with anger or tears. And through all this time you are miserable and you “blame” the other person for your misery because they didn’t do right by you, instead of realizing their behavior is about them, you make their behavior about you. You become a victim but don’t blame anyone but yourself. You have the power to create boundaries and stick to them. After a blowout, you’ll probably feel a little better and ready to start the whole process over again—sound fun, I don’t think so. By the way, if you don’t mind making dinner every night that is wonderful, what’s your phone number? Kidding, but the idea is if you don’t mind or enjoy it—leave it be. More on Quantum Worth Healing...


One of the most important relationships to use boundaries is with our children. They starve for boundaries. That doesn’t mean control. A good boundary for a child is you do not eat until you wash your hands. Or you do not hit others. The first time you do not adhere to the boundary you’re child made a subconscious mental note and will try to cross more boundaries until you are both going crazy or until you adhere to the boundary. They are not doing this to make your or themselves crazy, they are trying to learn where the safety ends in the world—we are their teachers. The lesson is to hold to your boundaries. It’s okay to make exceptions once in awhile but not enough to form a pattern. When they cross a boundary they should have a natural consequence. For example, if they throw a fit in the grocery store, take them and leave. Send a clear message that when they throw a fit they leave whether it is a movie theater, a circus, a restaurant, etc. If you stay, you are setting yourself and more importantly your child up for the same experience over and over. Believe me, they are not having fun when they throw a fit, they are asking for help. It does not help them if you give in—it hurts them. I know from personal experience. By the time I realized that I needed better boundaries, the task of implementing them was so much more difficult than if I had been doing it all along. More on Quantum Worth Healing...


Boundaries are to keep us safe. They do not have to be overly restrictive, they just need to keep us safe or help us meet our needs. Think of it this way, if there is a boundary blocking you and you crash through it—there may be a cliff on the other side. Our boundaries are necessary to keep us from freefalling through life without knowing when we will hit the bottom and being freaked out all the way down. Who wants to live like that? Too many people do, everyday, day in and day out. Boundaries empower you they do not restrict you. More on Quantum Worth Healing...




In the upcoming weeks, I will be posting adult oriented materials regarding sex and healing. This material will be password protected. If you would like the password click on this link and it will be emailed to you. No, it’s not porn but there will be some sexually explicit writing about the subject. I have two younger children and I know many people have children and may not want them to read some of the material.

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