Learning To Control Your Anger - Anger Management For Real Anger And Not Induced Anger
This article discusses about identifying real anger out of frustration and failures that certain individuals show on someone whom they love. This is not discussing the anger that is induced by teasing and bullying, the notion behind this is to put you down.
Anger Management For Anger And Not You!
Anger management is only successful if you could know and understand more about your “anger” and more about the types of anger that you are facing.
What is anger?
Anger is something that results because of certain circumstantial emotional and physical changes, which is of natural occurrence or owing to others intruding behavior. This is a normal process, and you are a normal human being only if you get angry, as this is part of normal human evolution and adaptation. The science of anger is best explained with the increase in the surge of adrenaline results in fight and not flight.
While the cause of anger is resolved, the effect of the resentment remains, and has to be dealt appropriately. This has been attributed due to the surge of adrenaline and the related physical effects of the surge in energy are taken either on another person or on an object or to self-harm.
Consequences of Anger:
There are two consequences of anger:
a. You let your anger go off a free hand that will result either in uncontrolled verbal abuse or in physical abuse. This is the instance that the opponent or the cause of anger might also be in the same physical and emotional state, though you may be on the right side of judgment.
b. Another possibility is to suppress the energy until you are angry next time and this can result in pent up emotions, which will increase the surge of adrenaline, and will lead to overreaction. The aftermath of this is frustration or shame and will result in repression of feelings.
Anger is managed when this happens on a mutual conflict in relationship, while the anger instigated on one person in purpose, then the other person is responsible for this scenario and will require psychological and psychiatric assessment for finding out the reason for their teasing habit.
How do you prepare yourself for anger management?
When you decide to seek help for anger management, you can do adopt one of the following strategies – anger management courses, anger management resources from a counselor, and programs.
People who can help you in finding one of these solutions are:
Your primary doctor can refer you to a counselor
Your friends and family can give you recommendations based on their prior experiences
Your health insurance, employee assistance programs and church can help you or provide you with the same service
Internet search and state or local agencies can recommend
Court and public and private libraries can provide you details on these support groups and resources
Managing your anger:
Anger management is the process of finding out the reasons for your anger, learning to take actions to resort the reasons emotionally in the first sense, followed by physical dealing of the situation in a very positive manner. This is not holding up your anger for penting up your emotions, and feeling angry has been recognized as a normal and healthy emotional feeling. The most effective way to control your anger is by taking a sincere positive approach with the help of anger management classes or with the help of a professional medical mental health counsellor.
a. Recognizing why you are angry:
The feeling of anger has both positive and negative emotions. When you plan for managing your anger, the first step is to list out and make yourself aware of the positive feelings, for which you will require a second hand.
Some of the strategies to recognize the positive feelings of your anger are:
· Seeking help from a non-contact competitive sport
· Learning relaxation techniques and/or meditation
· Shouting and screaming in a private and quiet place in loneliness to prevent further complications and has been advised for other issues also
· Banging your fists onto your pillow
· Running or dancing until exhaustion
These actions will in the foremost will help you to calm down the instant surge of adrenaline and the rush of energy to fight and will prevent bottling up feelings.
Anger management is like a volcano that can spit lava every now and then in small amounts via weak points easily without the requirement of much pressure to come out from the inner earth. If this does not occur, when the lava forces itself outside, then they build up pressure until there is enough pressure to force themselves outside, which when major natural volcanic calamity occurs.
How to identify the reasons for anger? Simple techniques of paying attention in identifying triggers and the physical and emotional signs will help in identifying and designing the best anger management program for the individual.
Identify the stressors that will trigger or worsen your anger like frustration, children, partner, financial stress and work-place issues.
Physical signs of your feelings of anger will include clenching your fists to control your anger or releasing the energy surge by driving your vehicle fasts. These are only a few examples.
Emotional signs will include like sensations to let out the excess energy or tactics of holding up your emotions.
b. Anger Management:
Therapy and classes for managing your anger will include psychotherapeutic techniques and is done in one-on-one sessions, with partners, children and family members and in groups over a few months or weeks.
The aim of these courses will help you focus on various tasks of management of anger like:
Identify situations that are responsible for triggering those feelings that are non-aggressive initially and then can set you off those aggressive feelings and make you mad.
What triggers illogical thinking that is being blinded by anger and what can correct that.
Keeping yourself calm when you are upset.
Learning to express assertively your feelings that trigger the emotion of anger.
Focus on problem solving and conflict resolution, which relieves and releases the energy surge that comes when you get angry for resolving the situation.
c. Dealing With Situations:
Dealing with those situations that triggers your anger will involve sincere effort and a well-prepared mind to face situations. This will require practice and you should be able to foresee the situations that can trigger anger. This will help you to deal with the situations and not your anger, and makes managing anger much easier.
1. Step One: Make a list of situations that triggers anger in you. You may either note down immediately after you explode your anger out, or get someone to do this for you, or think back about this.
2. Step Two: Ask yourself the following questions:
· How do you make your list more precise?
· Since, you are out of your mind when angry, is the person who is helping you, your friend and relative being reliable or is being factualist and not interpretive?
· How do I keep the situation under control?
· Imagine yourself to be the other person who is your well-wisher and is not getting angry and him/her to be in your shoes; and how you will advice and react.
These two are the most important and the first step that shows that you have decided to manage your anger.
d. Anger Resolution and Not Conflict Resolution:
I will be discussing one of the most popular anger management technique that will be discussed here is the CUDSAIR methods, which was developed by Professor Richard Nelson-Jones. This tells you how to face anger to overcome the habit of getting angry or using angry as an instrument to get things done or using anger as a weapon. This is essential to manage anger for the physical surge that occurs in the course of the expression of the emotion anger, which when controlled and pented up or when this happens quite often is sure to take a toll on your health.
· Confronting that you are angry is the first step to face the problem and not the person or the cause of the trigger. At this instance, this is good to state your emotions and feelings occurring within you. This will vary with every individual.
· Understanding the trigger for anger not only in your shoes, but also in the shoes of the opponent is also important. This is when a third person, a counselor might be able to help, and this is called the process of conflict resolution. Listening to the point of view of both the individuals involved is important. The job of the counselor here will be to find out the differences of opinion.
· One simple solution to these disagreements is to adopt the most popular Australian way of “Agree to Disagree”! Ultimately, you have achieved to define the cause of the problem for your anger. This is technically termed as Defining the problem.
· On identifying the trigger for anger, Search for solutions. Finding solution is different from finding faults and blaming each other. Brainstorming all the possible solutions that you could think of as a counsellor and as victims, tell what you will feel as a just solution to the problem.
· Agreeing to the solution resolved is a difficult job, but is in the hands of the counselor who is handling the case, to be smart enough and tactful to make both them agree mutually to a justful solution that the innocent be not blamed or will be the loser.
· On agreement to a consensus solution to the trigger for the anger, you will start to Implement the solution, and set small targets and bigger goals in resolving the problem and in overcoming the residual anger. One has to note that this is not possible to change emotions unless you realize that you were on the wrong side. However, if you are on the side of righteousness, anger and resentment can only be managed. This is very important to move forward and go ahead in your life, and at the same time, forgetting not to resort the problem rather than live with the problem.
· Reviewing the commitment and keeping track of how both the individuals involved are in the anger management classes doing with the plan designed for them on a case-by-case basis. The counselor will let you both go off happily either until both of you are able to meet each other peacefully or until he/she is happy that you are individually able to tackle your emotions of getting angry. Care has to be taken that overdoing these sessions can in fact trigger anger.
Why do we need to resort to anger management?
Anger can lead to various emotional mishaps to you like, frustrations, hating yourself for not being able to control your feeling, and resentment that you are not being allowed to be yourself and disrupting your peace of mind.
Coping anger well is a learned behavior unlikely to happen owing to frustration. Anger management will teach you how to use those trigger for anger in a way that the very same will work positively for you.
Feeling angry is a normal emotion and if you regret for the emotion triggered in you, then you are a learned human being. However, is best advised not to keep the anger within and try to talk about your anger to someone before these damages relationships. Some of the positive signs that an anger management program or course will work well for you will include:
· Letting out your anger without penting this up! All you will experience is the feeling of holding your angry emotions with no physical and emotional damage.
· Facing frequent argumentative conversations all of a sudden, that will include your partners and family members.
· Breaking law and initiation of physical violence.
· Threat to violence and property.
· Reckless driving and breaking things during an argument.
Benefits of Anger Management:
Well, why should I control my anger? Everyone is quite used to this…but you will find more love and care when you get rid of anger. You will find that you are able to express your resentment and disappointment without getting angry or frustrated.
Managing anger effectively will help you to:
· Argue less so that you will learn to communicate effectively with tactfulness with the happiness of not giving into and at the same time of not letting down your opponent.
· Maintain a healthy lifestyle that you will find avoiding headaches, sleep problems, digestion problems and high blood pressure.
· Depression and development of interpersonal relationship conflicts can be avoided.
· Build confidence and perseverance over your frustrations by taking up the challenge and sorting problems to overcome difficulties.
· Avoiding addictive habits and abuse of substances like alcohol, food and drugs.
Though anger management is a necessary and is something that a learned individual will exhibit, everyone have his or her limitations and threshold level. Keep in mind; this is not fair to test the ability of someone’s anger management skills.
BBC Health - Coping Anger Management
Mayo Clinic - Anger Management For A Healthy Life