The Twisted Mind of the Misogynist

ashan1614 By ashan1614, 21st Jul 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/t87p4922/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Mental Health

After a couple of weeks of research, I am still no closer to understanding what causes misogyny. Thankfully, I have a better understanding of what it is and how to recognize the characteristics that can warn me and other women of when we might be in a relationship with a misogynist (or woman hater).

What Is A Misogynist?

Misogyny (noun) – hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women

I’ve been doing some research on misogyny lately; mainly its symptoms and characteristics. Firstly, I should explain that misogyny is a deep hatred or contempt for women. It is a mental/psychological disorder which affects more men than I realized, and it can manifest itself in a variety of ways ranging from chauvinism or sexism to physical abuse and rape.

What Causes A Man To Become A Misogynist?

It seems that the root cause of misogyny has not been pinpointed, though theories point to upbringing, religious views or our patriarchal society in general. Perhaps these men grew up in dysfunctional families where they had a poor relationship with their mothers. As a mother myself, I cannot imagine the mother who is terrible enough to turn her son against more than half the planet. I still don’t get it.

Maybe they grew up with fathers who believed that a woman’s place is in the home. Then, as more and more women moved out of this “norm”, the general feeling became that these women are bad people; thus women are bad people. These men often adopt the view that only mothers (homemakers) are good and wholesome. Women who want to work outside the home, educate themselves and not conform to the traditional roles of women are morally corrupt. This line of thinking is referred to as the mother/whore or virgin/whore dichotomy. That is to say, these men ascribe to the belief that only mothers and virgins are wholesome and good. Any woman who does not conform to tradition roles or maintain her virginity until marriage must be, in the misogynistic mind, a whore.

Many religions, including Christianity, teach that the man is the head of the woman. I’ve always believed that to mean that the man should take the lead in providing for, planning the future for, and setting the standards for his household. Unfortunately, the misogynist will misinterpret (often purposely) this to mean that man should dominate the woman, that he is superior to the woman and that she should be under his complete control. And let’s not forget about EVE – she messed the whole thing up for everyone, right?

How To Recognize The Symptoms

Whatever the cause, the more I learn about misogyny, the more I recognize how prevalent it is in today’s society. It’s disturbing in that there are so many subtle traits that are easy to ignore until you see them lumped together in a list. So… I am providing you with a list. Some of these behaviors are obvious; others I would have never thought of. I think you’ll be surprised as well.

• Thinks his masculinity depends on dominating women.
• Controls women by destroying their self-confidence
• Needs to insure that women are always less powerful than he
• Intimidates women by constantly finding fault with them
• Humiliates women in public and devalues their opinions
• Must ALWAYS win in a discussion with or about women – all encounters with or about women are seen as a battle to be won
• Blames women for failings that are in no way related to them
• Blame women for his own failings and shortcomings (or the failings and shortcomings of other men)
• Denies women’s feelings and makes them wrong for feeling them
• Makes jokes or derogatory comments about women and then ridicules any woman who gets offended or upset
• Belittles or ignores women’s accomplishments
• Wants to punish any woman who displeases him
• Has no remorse or guilt for the pain he causes women
• Tries to keep women from doing things they are qualified to do
• Selectively quotes authorities to substantiate his views and positions on women
• Will confuse issues by changing the subject, denial, word jugglery, lying, twisting the facts or acting as if nothing happened (when you both know that it did)
• A knight in shining armor – zeroes in on a woman to “save”
• Extremely possessive, wants all of your time and undivided attention
• Obsessively jealous, even of your women friend. Wants you to account for any time spent away from him
• Is preoccupied with sex and is sexually controlling
• Has grandiose behavior; cocky and self centered
• Has first class spending habits; always wanting more.
• Can’t stand criticism; always on the defense
• He has problems with authority figures in general and women in authority in particular.
• Is nasty behind the wheel and feels that other drivers’ mistakes are directed toward him personally
• Has a Jekyll and Hyde personality - Nice to you in public, but cuts you down in private
• Always the victim; takes no responsibility; blames others/things/circumstances for his behavior
• Overly sensitive and sulking when he does not get his way
• Steals, uses people, always borrowing but never pays back
• Give gifts then demands favors
• Professes religious beliefs then attacks your religious beliefs

What Can You Do If You Suspect Your Husband/Boyfriend Is A Misogynist?

Hope this gives you a little insight into the world of the misogynist mind. If you recognize even a few of these characteristic in your husband/boyfriend, try to get them to seek professional help. Therapy is very much needed to get to the root of his feelings. It is absolutely essential to find reasons (not excuses) for this type of behavior so that it can be dealt with

Tags

Abuse, Belittle, Characteristics Of A Misogynist, Chauvinism, Contempt, Devalue, Hate, Men, Mental Disorder, Misogyny, Rape, Sexism, Women

Meet the author

author avatar ashan1614
I am an engineer by trade, but a poet and songstress at heart. I started writing occasional articles online about a year ago, but poetry is still my first love.

http://www.triond.com/rw/192565
find me on twitter@ashanpoetry

If you enjoy my poe...(more)

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Comments

author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
21st Jul 2010 (#)

Very scary what some men think. Its important to know that homosexual men are not women 'haters' in this way.

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author avatar Brendan Liam
16th Sep 2013 (#)

So only straight men can be woman haters? That's without any basis. And very likely not the case at all. A gay man wouldn't necessarily even RELATE to his mother more than a straight man. I must assume you are gay to make this careless statement. Self preservation is the logical motivation, but requires no thought.

Misogyny comes from the same place for ALL of us. I know where it is. And obviously some women are misogynists, which more than proves the point that of course some gay men are. They are not inferior, but they are ALSO NOT SUPERIOR. Duh.

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author avatar Abraham
3rd Mar 2014 (#)

I say women and men gang up together and treat these mentally immature and unstable diseased woman haters with the punishment they deserve lets burn the real whores and bitches who hate on woman for imagined reasons.

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author avatar Abraham
3rd Mar 2014 (#)

Lets burn the real witches the bitchy male misogynists who do nothing but ruin the potential of many talented women across the world!!

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author avatar Kevin P. O'Brien
7th Jul 2014 (#)

@ Brendon Liam's comment to Mark Brown: His comments are the typical reactionary comments that someone living the lifestyle makes. It's the agenda of those promoting the life as normal and will interject their opinions even if there's little more than a thread of reasoning as to how their comment relates to the subject matter.

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author avatar ashan1614
22nd Jul 2010 (#)

Mark - very true that there is a huge difference in men who are not attracted to women and men who hate women. Thanks for the comment!

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author avatar Aima
19th Jan 2013 (#)

Ashan did you mean this in a sarcastic way I find misogynists and gays similar in their approach.
When i was talking about feminism with a gay guy he got all harsh and criticised me harshly for not knowing who Ann Oakly is. It felt just like misogyny.

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author avatar Brendan Liam
16th Sep 2013 (#)

Exactly, like gays are immuned by being gay??? That's just as bad as bashing gays. Just put down your bibles and consider that equality might actually be true!

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author avatar Retired
23rd Jul 2010 (#)

A very interesting article. I didn't know what a misogynist was so thank you for the explanation and the signs to look out for. well done.

Christine

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author avatar Queen
26th Nov 2010 (#)

Thank you for providing me with the word misogynist and it's definition. I have often wondered if there was a word for men who just plain don't like women but will engage in intimate behavior with them and have hatred in their heart all the time. The men that I know and fit that description of a misogynist destorted the character his wife before his family met her. Thanks again for an interesting site.

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author avatar chrysolite
27th Jul 2010 (#)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! I didn't know this!!! We actually have such a man in the neighbourhood and he made life hell for all of us until I put my foot down. Believe me, it was not funny, but the only way out. Thank you so much for clearing this matter up, I feel so much better for it now, just knowing ...!

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author avatar J
25th Oct 2010 (#)

Thanks for this atricle, unfortunately my husband falls under all of these categories. I wish I had known this before I married him. I will try and figure out a way to get him to seek professional healp about this, if he refuses and denies it I am GONE!!!

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author avatar Recovered
5th Dec 2010 (#)

Thankyou for the article.. especially the list. the one thing that gets me the most is when they twist reality to their own benefit. They refuse to admit that you have a right to be hurt by what they did or said. After they deny and twist the facts to make themselves look innocent, the woman is often left feeling somewhat crazy and frustrated. I survived years of this and want to say that it helps to see it in words. There is nothing so frustrating as being hurt by a man that won't even acknowledge that he did anything to you. They do this to make the woman out to be "overreacting", while keeping themselves above us. Clearly, now that I am out of my horrible experience with a masognist, I can see that it is simply a form of Mental, and Psychological abuse.

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author avatar Debbie
29th Jul 2011 (#)

13 years two children and finally I can now define what I married. I also have two step children. My step daughter also has to deal with his misogynistic behavior which breaks my heart especially. I am in the process of finding 'me' again and hopefully be a good role model for my two daughters so that they can be stronger and wiser and love themselves enough to not let any man treat them as I have been treated

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author avatar Dylee
19th Jun 2014 (#)

Amen girl!

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author avatar Trying to recover
20th Dec 2010 (#)

Thanks for the article it has helped me to better understand that my boyfriend is a misogynist. He doesn't have all the characteristics but has enough to realize he is a woman hater. It is so sad some men have to feel this way because of bad past experiences.

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author avatar Doris
31st Dec 2010 (#)

I just got out of a relationship with a Misogynist! Darkest $ years of my life. Now I feel like a new woman. Get out before he gets you... D

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author avatar Recovering
18th Feb 2011 (#)

I've just escaped a relationship with a misogynist bf and also have just escaped a church with a misogynist pastor. It's heart-breaking to put so much trust into people and have them cause so much pain and accept NO responsibility. All of the men in my life seem to have serious issues. I am thankful though that I am more aware of what kind of people are in the world; hopefully now I can choose kinder people to be around, and help other suffering women. Thank God.

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author avatar Brendan Liam
16th Sep 2013 (#)

But "God" is the justification for all the misogyny in the West. You should dump ALL misogynists. Every woman hating passage in the bible is the self proclaimed inspired word of "God". So whatever you do, don't thank the head misogynist for getting away from a misogynist, thank yourself, you did it.

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author avatar Missrachel
19th Dec 2013 (#)

I'd like to see those "women hating" Bible passage! I've read this book and somehow missed those verses.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

Read it again, or you must in self denial.

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author avatar Recovering
18th Feb 2011 (#)

And thanks for this article.

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author avatar Cagey
12th Mar 2011 (#)

Wonderful job on your in-depth research of Misogyny. As you explained, there are a number red flags depicting this disorder. My advice to any woman who is in a relationship with a Misogynist - refer them to a QUALIFIED Medical professional and run for the hills!! The time, effort and patience needed to cope with a Misogynist is exhaustive. It takes a lot of time to undo what has been done to them.

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author avatar Karen
27th Feb 2012 (#)

can we consider that maybe NOTHING

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author avatar Karen
27th Feb 2012 (#)

NOTHING was done to these men....some men...and yes of course some women too, are just no damn good and thats all there is to it.

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author avatar thepornaddict
14th Mar 2011 (#)

Ashan1614,

I read this article with much interest because I am a misogynist. Your research is right on about the virgin/whore dichotomy. If this is something that you would like to continue to research, and I can be of any assistance in helping you understanding the mind of a misogynist. Please let me know. As you can see from my username - pornography has helped in my feelings towards women.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

You are a SICK inept FOOL!

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author avatar ashan1614
14th Mar 2011 (#)

I'm so glad I could shed a little light on this subject. It is true that the women in these relationships wind up being the ones who think they have the problem.

@thepornaddict: I will definitely let you know if I want to delve deeper into this topic. Seems there is quite a bit of interest from those who have read this article thus far.

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author avatar thepornaddict
31st Mar 2011 (#)

For more scholarly research into the subject of misogyny and porn I would check out Professor Robert Jensen and this article: http://www.alternet.org/sex/62833/?page=1

I have worked on blogs as well detailing my feeling towards women and porn. Please send me an email at pornaddict05@yahoo.com if you would like to read/view my blogs.

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author avatar Mario
5th May 2011 (#)

This is an awful article. Who every wrote this is not using facts. A lot of the information I just read was false. You need to do more research before making a fool of yourself on the internet.

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author avatar ashan1614
10th May 2011 (#)

If you have better information, Mario. feel free to present it. Otherwise, you look like a bigger fool than I ever could.

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author avatar It-was-cool-till-he-said-it
13th Oct 2011 (#)

Mario, you are such a misogynistic idiot. There are plenty of facts presented here, but you are too blinded by the fact that a member of the gender you hate wrote something so intelligent and truthful, you can't see it.
"Belittles or ignores women’s accomplishments"- ashan's article was an accomplishment here, and as you are a misogynist, you don't believe it as so.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

You are a RETARD! All of it is spot on.

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author avatar thepornaddict
10th May 2011 (#)

Be specific.

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author avatar James
21st May 2011 (#)

I display some of the above qualities and believe I am mysogenistic. I spent years being abused at the hands of my mother and have developed a distrust of all women. I wrote this comments so that people would know that sometimes there is a reason why men turn away from women. Not all women are good, some are just as evil as men can be.

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author avatar Anna
12th Jun 2011 (#)

Forgiveness will set you free, James ... I agree with Donna - get help and give life and love a second chance - there are some good women out there!

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author avatar ashan1614
20th Jun 2011 (#)

Yes James, some women are evil, but not ALL women are evil. If you find that you have turned against all women because of the actions of a few, then I agree with Anna and Donna that you should seek help.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

Did you ask her what her problem was?

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author avatar Donna
2nd Jun 2011 (#)

James. Yes there are evil women out there. But you are a typical mysogenist as you are NOT taking responsibility for your actions if you harm women. Stop using your mother as an excuse and get help if you need it. Hopefully men like yourself will take your advice and turn AWAY from women..not against them.

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author avatar Anna
12th Jun 2011 (#)

Could another reason for Misogynism also be that the father was very strict / abusive and the man (boy) felt that his mother should have 'protected' him - agression towards his mother - then later towards women ... love-hate relationship?

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author avatar Karen
27th Feb 2012 (#)

anna...I have wondered about this abusive father thing too...and the child hating the mother for not stopping it or whatever. I think in time, you will find that you are as close to the truth as it gets. Any "man" who hates his mother is not a man anyway but a bawling, mewling ass.They have none of my sympathy.

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author avatar Butch
17th Jun 2011 (#)

I am not a misognist, just seems every time my life goes to hell, a woman is involved. My now deceased wife caused so much hostile stress at home I was forced to take a medical retirement. We all thought it was work. She has been dead almost 2 years now and I am slowly starting to get better. I have other examples but I like women they are nice people I have some women friends but I will not be anything but an arm's length relationship

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author avatar chrysolite
19th Aug 2011 (#)

I think you raised a valid point there, Butch! I also know of a woman that may be labelled a "misogenist". I think we have to make adjustments here and clearly see that the misogenist attitudes can be found both in men and women. I hope you will get over it, it is not easy.

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author avatar Jay
20th Jul 2011 (#)


LOL this is one of the funniest things I have ever read in my life. I'm not a misogynist, but reading that article has led me to stick up for them. Huge parts of that list are ridiculous (my mother takes things personally when driving and can go a bit crazy, does that mean she is a misogynist???), and the rest describes traits that have far more in common with women I know than men, some of it reads actually reads like a checklist for most of the girls I know:
1)Always the victim; takes no responsibility; blames others/things/circumstances for her behavior
2)Overly sensitive and sulking when she does not get her way
3)Will confuse issues by changing the subject, denial, word jugglery, lying, twisting the facts or acting as if nothing happened (when you both know that it did)
4)Has first class spending habits; always wanting more
5)always borrowing but never pays back
and so on....

Have you considered that some men are misogynists because they see society as treating women differently on almost every level? In the courts, involving both custody and criminal cases, where women are consistently given lighter sentences and the benefit of the doubt where children are concerned; in the home, where a man who hits his wife will get locked up no questions asked, even if it was in self defence, where a woman who hits her husband has almost no chance of going to prison; in the media, where one woman does something good and its talked about ENDLESSLY by women in the media everywhere, who then go on to complain about a gender obsessed society; in sports, the workplace etc etc etc.

It gets to a stage where you have to wonder what equality is. The fact is, despite what some women think, nobody hands men ANYTHING. You are raised not to expect sympathy. Nobody is going to comfort you if you get the shit kicked out of you by a bigger and stronger human being, nobody is going to treat you with kid gloves in job interviews, when you do something wrong in school etc. THAT is why men continue to rule the world, and will do for the foreseeable future, as long as some women seem compelled to be the damsel in distress, and write laughable articles about how bad life is for them, instead of taking a leaf out of men's book and just getting on with it.

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author avatar chrysolite
19th Aug 2011 (#)

Well, Jay, that is about the saddest comment I've read in a long time! Grow up!

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author avatar Starting Over
25th Aug 2011 (#)

I hope God intervenes with any woman who may cross your path.

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author avatar It-was-cool-till-he-said-it
13th Oct 2011 (#)

Say any of this to my mother, grandmother, or aunt, then you'd be talking to someone whom haven't been treated with help or respect, physically or emotionally, yet were strong enough to make their children strong. :-) As much as women suffer, I'm not ashame to be a woman.

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author avatar Donna
16th Apr 2012 (#)

Goodness jay..if you found the article so funny,...why not just delete instead of going into a rather long diatribe? This is a link for women in support of women...no one is accusing YOU personally of doing anything...by the same token, do not trivialise

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author avatar Ann
13th Feb 2013 (#)

Why are you so bitter. Where is the love. Women get treated bad by men, but do they take it out on everyone. Communication is always needed in any relationship. Couples should be there for one another without who is the best. We are not babies. Look to the future not past. Moaning. Laugh instead as its the best policy.

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author avatar Brendan Liam
16th Sep 2013 (#)

Interesting you'd mention "communication". Much of the communication problems are due to centuries of misogyny. It's all in the Book of Timothy. Women are to be quiet, docile, dependent, and told they are dumb. Thus why after all this time... women are better judges of body language, subtle cues, and men on the same are oblivious, clueless. They are direct-they forced a monopoly opportunity for themselves. That is why we communicate differently, centuries of practice, one being Person, the other Property, just like the bible says.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

ALL Religions should be extinct. It has done nothing but dehumanized the human race through fear, ignorance,prejudice,and violence.

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author avatar Vickey
1st Jun 2014 (#)

well said Rara! The two sexes were meant to function as a unit. Because religion and male superiority go hand in hand, we don't stand a chance for balance in our world.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

We have a DOUCHE-BAG in the house.

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author avatar ashan1614
9th Aug 2011 (#)

Well, Jay, I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this, but I beg to differ on a couple of points. Men are constantly being handed things by other men in power (the good ol' boy club still exists). And despite making some strides, women still earn 70% of what their male counterparts earn for doing the same job.

I don't know the women you know, but the women I know are strong. They do not play the victim, but rather do what they need to do to get by. They often take on much more responsibility than they should to make up for where the men in their lives are sadly lacking.

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author avatar chrysolite
19th Aug 2011 (#)

Unfortunately, Ashan, I have to add another story to your article. I have spoken to a psychologist about it and got the facts confirmed, but the total picture seems to get suppressed.

As we know, people have different character make ups and when under influence of alcohol, these character traits may get exaggerated. Similarily a new "threat" is now emerging with people, especially men, who "have been" on recreational drugs and have given them up for decades. Yet, they get flashbacks and somehow their nerves "connect" or "disconnect" with various forms of behavior. Normally, this is not even an issue, but unfortunately a neighbor of ours who tells everybody himself that he's "been with the Pink Floyd crowd enjoying life and drugs" has taken to those flash backs in a violent form.

I have not found a solution for that yet, but it accounts for some totally irrational behavior of especially men who are inclined to be misogenists. The behavior in this matter is just even more exaggerated and one just can't understand it.

I just hope that it's "only" recreational drugs that can cause this sort of weird and violent behavior and that it will not be more wide spread by the intake of petro-chemical drugs/medicines in the long run.

I will go to the police next week and inquire of the legal ways a woman, a neighbor, can defend herself against those new kinds of aggressors.

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author avatar ashan1614
22nd Aug 2011 (#)

chrysolite, I am so sorry to hear that you are having to endure this situation with your neighbor. I hope the police can give you some advice on measures which can be taken.

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author avatar chrysolite
23rd Aug 2011 (#)

Thank you, Ashan, he seems to have quietened down for the moment after another neighbor had a very serious talk again (not the first one!) His behavior will be ok now for a few months and then he'll cross his cables again ... ad infinitum! Haven't been to town yet, but I will somehow get advice from the police.

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author avatar Starting Over
25th Aug 2011 (#)

I just escaped from a physically violent relationship last month that left me with a broken arm. He was served with a restraining order today. You have coined EXACTLY all his traits. It wasn't until I spoke with the process server and he asked the question "How does he show aggression towards other people?" And the only people I can remember him showing hostility towards were two female roommates and his 18 year old daughter. The process server said so he has a big problem with women. When I mentioned this to my friend, she said he is a misogynist and here I am. If you are with a man like this, you cannot help him. Please get out for your own safety and sanity. My arm will heal, the emotional bondage and damage they can do will take more time and God's help.

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author avatar ashan1614
30th Aug 2011 (#)

@Starting Over - I am so sorry this has happened to you. I think where a lot of women get into trouble is thinking we can save and/or change these men. We cannot; they need professional counseling and lots of it. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you.

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author avatar Getting better
22nd Sep 2011 (#)

I loved the article - simply worded and easy to understand. Last week I was at the point of suicidal ideation because I've spent so long being treated like I don't count. When I'd try to talk to him he'd have an outburst of cursing and belittling, I'd ask if he wanted to hear what I had to say and he'd say no. I have to fight tooth and nail to get him to HELP with bills each month and now I realize it's because he doesn't believe I deserve the money I get and I've exhausted all my assets to pay bills while he's out playing golf. I'm not going to play the game any more - this week I've no longer reacted to his actions and even verbally gave my permission for him to sulk or whatever, letting him know I'm NOT bothered by it. Do you have any other advice for me? thx again for your article - makes me see things totally different and feel much better knowing it's not me.

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author avatar ashan1614
23rd Sep 2011 (#)

Getting Better - unfortunately it is often the victim who is made to feel like they are the one with the problem. It's hard to break the cycle when the misogynist is constantly trying to invalidate your feelings. Once you come to understand that you have a RIGHT to feel as you do, I think you can begin to turn the situation around.

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author avatar thepornaddict
28th Sep 2011 (#)

I commented before on Professor Robert Jensen (Univ. of Texas) and his views on hardcore porn and misogyny. I have been corresponding with Professor Jensen for the last few months and send him links to two blogs that I have created in order for him to witness first hand how hardcore porn can influence the male mind. I have included links to those blogs below. These blogs serve as a case study as to the effects porn can have on influencing men. I offer these links as a way to further the discussion. They are not for the faint of heart.

http://blog.askjolene.com/twistedfuck
http://blog.askjolene.com/KINK

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author avatar ashan1614
28th Sep 2011 (#)

@thepornaddict - thanks for the info. I will take a look at these blogs.

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author avatar Godsgift
8th Oct 2011 (#)

why do women wear makeup and perfume.because they are ugly and they smell

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author avatar ashan1614
10th Oct 2011 (#)

Godsgift, this is a serious issue. I would appreciate not having silly, immature comments posted.

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author avatar Brendan Liam
16th Sep 2013 (#)

I disagree--he brings up a good point. He's an idiot, he doesn't know it's good, but it is:

The reason they wear make up is misogyny-they have been conditioned to look pretty and be quiet and keep their heads down until addressed...The makeup was clearly our idea, at least indirectly.

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author avatar Tattletell
13th Oct 2011 (#)

Says the sexually-frustrated man who can't get laid to save his life. "Godsgift" to whom? trash? More likely.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

Your brain is the size of a rice grain. EVOLVE ALREADY!

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author avatar Hurting
9th Oct 2011 (#)

I'm confronting a really bad situation with my bf of 4 yrs. I think he's a misogynist. He tells me stories about his childhood and that leads me to believe he has been severely scared by his mother. He's out to get revenge and he doesn't care who he hurts along the way. I have found out he has been seeing over 7 women in the 4 years that I have known him. He has done me the same he has all the rest. He compares me and says women are all the same and all have the same capabilities. He says women are like cats. I don't know what else to do to convince him that I'm not a bad woman but he has put me through a lot of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I don't know what else to do. I have left him and told him to never return but after a few weeks he returns as if nothing ever happened.

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author avatar ashan1614
10th Oct 2011 (#)

Hurting, you have got to get as far away from this guy as you can. Any type of abuse in a relationship is unacceptable. If he continues to return, you have to continue to send him packing. Be strong in your resolve. There is someone out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

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author avatar Karen
27th Feb 2012 (#)

There IS someone out there who will treat you like you deserve and that person is YOU. Git crackin!

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author avatar Joe
18th Oct 2011 (#)

Ashan1614, You may say any type of abuse in a relationship is unacceptable but most women are indifferent to any injustices that men face.

From a man's perspective the long post by Jay on 20th Jul 2011 was very fair and true. You quickly dismissed it because it does not point to women as victims. Victim hood is the cornerstone of female arguments. These are some of the reasons why some men hate women.

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author avatar ashan1614
18th Oct 2011 (#)

Joe,
Feel free to list these injustices and we can discuss them. From my personal perpective, I am married to a man who is an ETERNAL victim, and almost of the women I know are just the opposite, so I'd say it works both ways.

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author avatar ashan1614
18th Oct 2011 (#)

*most of the women

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author avatar Trapped
19th Oct 2011 (#)

As cliche as it my sound, I have to think that I found this article by fate.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. When he met me, I was still in high school, a virgin, and had never been involved with a man in any way.

When we started dating, he always respected my physical boundaries -- despite occasional times when he would sulk because I was not in the mood for sex, he generally accepted that there were certain things that I would not do, and was content to wait until I fell in love with him and gave my consent for him to take my virginity. Though he had never been in a relationship before, he is nearly two years older than me and had had sex with three other girls before me, all of whom he says were "just sluts" who did not care about commitment, unlike me.

If this does not demonstrate the virgin/whore complex, I don't know what does. He was physically abused by his mother throughout his childhood, and constantly comes to me in his need for nurture; asking me to be maternal, if he can sleep against my breasts, if I can "be more of a woman" and take care of him.

I always knew he was controlling because of his past and his insecurities, and even persuaded him to start therapy. However, just this weekend it struck me that I think he tries to control me not just because I am in a relationship with him, but because of my gender.

He constantly takes me on expensive trips and buys me things after I tell him that he doesn't have to and that I'll love him either way; then, he expects his generosity to override all acts of disrespect. While he still continues to respect me physically, accepting albeit with occasional frustration that I will not allow anal sex or public encounters, for example, it has recently occurred to me that he may not respect my humanity. He refers to women in sexual ways when most people would not -- for example, we saw a magazine ad that included a woman smiling while holding the product being advertised -- he said, "Of course they used an attractive woman in the ad, sex always sells." I was taken-aback and said, "Couldn't she just be a person modeling a product? I don't think that sex was the intended response at all." He shrugged this off.

He seems to see me as rather incapable, ridiculing me for the smallest errors, like spilling a drink or failing to read directions right. He loves sexist, as well as racist jokes about women belonging in the kitchen or just being for sex. While it is always clear when he is merely joking, I can't help but think that no one would make these jokes unless they saw some truth in the ideology. Sure enough, we were on a trip this weekend and got into a minor fight -- I was teasing him about something that ended up provoking feelings of resentment from his childhood, and he snapped into anger. He suddenly lost all respect for me. He called me a "fat Jew" and then said I was being "the quintessential woman" when I then refused to kiss him or forget about that extremely offensive insult without an apology. He then asked me how I could be so "bitchy" to him after he spent so much money on him.

I am at a crossroads in our relationship where I know for a fact that this person is bad for me. The worst criticism that I have ever heard about myself has come from him. He has even gotten me to question myself on matters of self-esteem -- when in reality I am nearly underweight, his constant "joking" comments about my being a "fatass" eventually sunk in, leaving me with shaken confidence.

I never thought I would be in this position, and I know that I have to leave. Still, I stay, bound by my guilt, feelings of love, fear, and need to nurture.

How should I leave? Where should I start?

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author avatar Classylady
19th Oct 2011 (#)

Trapped: My best friend who is 41 now, got into a relationship right out of high school with a misogynist(we have recently figured out) she has lost the beautiful soul and person she was to the point she cannot even think straight. He starved her to 72Lbs which was almost death for her. Get out now he has kept me away for yrs @ a time but I knew I neede to stick by her since he was so abusive, hopefully u have good honest friends thats where u can go but just go it is not worth losing everything for she now lives in a conmune in the mountains because she can b free we all wish we would have figured this out b4 it was too late to bring the true Person back hope this helps my blessings r with u Good Luck

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author avatar Karen
27th Feb 2012 (#)

stop being an idiot and go through the door closest to you that leads to the outside and walk if you have to, to the nearest Crisis and Abuse Center. EVERY city has one. Only you can make your life better.

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author avatar Brendan Liam
16th Sep 2013 (#)

lol freudian slip "after he spent so much money on him". Exactly, even the make up gifts are really for him. And he didn't lose respect all of a sudden, he never had it-he doesnt respect himself, ,women, anyone.

You'd be better off alone, a random canine would make a better companion than this underachiever. lol

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author avatar ashan1614
19th Oct 2011 (#)

Trapped: I guess my first question would be is he still in therapy and willing to continue in it? If so, I would still put the relationship on hold while he works through his issues. If not, I would get out now. It sounds as though you need to love this man "from a distance" - i.e. be his friend and try to be there for moral supposrt, but do not remain romantically connected to him. I do not profess to me a psychologist or counsellor of any sort, but as a woman who has had her own self-esteem trampled at times, I know it is a terrible feeling and I don't wish it on anyone. We don't tear down those we love; rather we build them up. If he is constantly berating you, he does not love you and you should find someone who does.

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author avatar Carole cohen gibson
8th Feb 2012 (#)

Wow!! This site has totally opened my eyes and the understanding of what I have been enduring with for 8 years of marriage! Thanks a million for all your interest in helping women like me who feel like we are in a paper bag trying to box our way out to freedom without leaving with a great part of ourselves behind. We must take back into our person through identifying the real cause of our confusion and dismay. The oppositis and contridictions with this type of man is what keeps us trying to figure out what is real and not real in the since of reality. Their reality is actually whatever serves them best in every situation to make sure they come out on top. This charges their battery in that they feel they just conquered you again to the point of more confusion and they like it to stay that way because their own identify is so obsecured and loaded with insecurity. In my case it was due to the control mistreatment by his mother. He had two brothers who were dominated in the same fashion. One shot himself at 35 years old the other brother lived in the streets for 20 years and has brain damage today from alcohol and drug abuse. My husband lelft the house at 17 and joined the coast gard in order to escape his life with his mother. This is what he has shared with me. The 3 men have all displayed a similar violant, supressed/anger mental state. Now I can clearly see that he actually delights in my downfalls and despises my quiet strength and depth of perception at certain time. I am not a person who flies off at the handle and will think things through before I address any differences that need attention and usually it is very long overdue because one puts off this in order to stay clear of their retalation and vengence in being right or to suggest he is wrong and needs to make things right. I grew up with a very loving father who never made me feel anything but special and loved so it is very easy for me to see that something very vital is missing with this damaged man I married. There is no chance of developing real intimacy with this person because you cannot trust them. They are there own worst enemy, but it serves them well in that keeping the woman distant is a way of promoting their complete controll over you. Denying the woman the right to feel accomplished and powerful in any form spells disaster for them. Then the "dance" starts once again. I am considered a "supply" for his empty self, and I might add that I don't share any of this with malice but rather interest in maybe helping others. So, again I want to say thank you for the oportunity to view all these comments and gleen the nuggets of valuable information so that I may know better how to navigate in this atmospher "safley" and not comprimise one more once of myself to this elusive misogynist called my husband. Ladies, we DO have a choice in this matter to not only take back what we were robbed of, but become even more of who we desire to be as a direct result of this painful learning curve in life. Let this experience work for us. Get back on that horse because the green medows are just ahead are ready for grazing!

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author avatar Fairplay4all
10th Dec 2011 (#)

Iam not convinced that all women are the target of the misogynist. I thought I was one until I met a women who does not make me feel that way. There must be a terminology for those women who seam to be a trigger for misogynists. My ex girlfriend would constantly flirt with others, make comments about how all men are inferior and generally put me in the position of defending men. This instantly made me look and feel like a misogynist. In summary, look for the cause rather than cure. Respect women and avoid the ones who believe they are better than men. Your misogynist ways will dissolve overnight.

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author avatar ashan1614
21st Jan 2012 (#)

Fairplay4all: Having disdain for one woman because of her behavior does not make you a misogynist. Perhaps she was a man-hater (misandrist). At any rate, not all men are bad and not all women are good.... So long as we are not lumping a group of people into the same category because of the actions of one, I think we will be okay.

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author avatar Lisa
24th Jan 2012 (#)

I have come to the realization that my husband is a misogynist and although part of me does love him, I don't want our girls growing up in a household where someone can be so vocal putting women down. I know he needs help ... but if he already won't listen to what you have to say, and belittles your feelings, then HOW can you show him/convince him that he needs help?

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author avatar ashan1614
4th Mar 2012 (#)

It is nearly impossible for a woman to convince a misogynist that he has a problem because he doesn't value the opinion of women. Perhaps if he is confronted by another man, he may listen.

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author avatar Geoff
9th Feb 2012 (#)

I grew up with a feminist mother who constantly belittled men and beat me over the head about male oppression of women. I came to understand that she was just selfish and felt contempt for men based on petty jealousy. I watched her marry and divorce a procession of men from whom she took millions of dollars in property. My fathers house wasn't much better where I suffered beatings from my stepmother, to which I could offer no retaliation as I was indoctrinated with the "Dogs dont bite bitches" double standard. I try to be understanding, but now I cant help to be wary and suspicious of women. Society tells me that I should find a woman and get married, but why would I want to give away my money and freedom? Other than having children, I dont see why any man would want to be involved in a marriage under the contemporary American tradition. From what I observe around me, American married men have less fulfilling sex lives, than single men. They have more financial worries and most of them seem to end up getting left and their children hate them. I think marriage is a bad idea.

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author avatar ashan1614
4th Mar 2012 (#)

Marriage does work when it is based on mutual respect and give and take. When couples strive to jeffery each others nerds rather than have their own needs met, marriage can be a wonderful experience.

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author avatar ashan1614
4th Mar 2012 (#)

Love the auto correct feature on my phone.... strive to meet each others needs

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author avatar Karen
27th Feb 2012 (#)

Sometimes a son of a bitch is just that and there is no hope, and no figuring them out. They are just no damn good. Get out while the getting is good. There ARE good men out there.

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author avatar Cocoree
28th Feb 2012 (#)

I would have never thought that this is what was wrong with my EX- Until I read this article, He displays all of the characteristics! I had to take off the gloves one night when he said that ALL WOMEN were Female dogs and Garden tools. Told me what he thought of his mother, daughters and other female relatives. Sad, that he is like this. He blames all of the problems in his previous relationships on the women in his life of course. I am just happy to free of his disturbed behind. To all of you out there trying to fix em' You can't...Only God can do this.

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author avatar ashan1614
4th Mar 2012 (#)

Cocoree, you are right; only God has the power to fix them.

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author avatar WILLingtolearn
4th Mar 2012 (#)

I'm just curious as to why, as a black man who is very happily married and respectful of PEOPLE, why do women find it so natural to see fault in man, but not in woman? I mean, I know I'll most likely be attacked just for asking that question but c'mon people. Don't you see that while there are so many ugly people out there, gender typically doesn't cause anyone to be ugly! Do you not realize that the social media has perpetuated this gender divide and exploited it all to hell for profit. Ladies, they don't want you to know that men and women share most of the same "bottem line values," it's just the language is different. Example, men hear you when you express your need for self identity, to be respected for WHO you are as an individual, security, love and compassion. These are things that are important to you and a man who loves you should gladly grow to give all of them. I'm not so sure that women know or even care about the things that are important to men anymore. When I ask, I'm often greated with a negative remark that more or less boils down to "it's his fault."
I think ONE problem is, what I call the " ility Deficiancy Syndrome" or IDS. This is where PEOPLE's ility intake is dangerously low and it begins to distort vision and reason. Essential "ilitys" are
accountability, culperablity, responsibility, personality, and individuality, to list a few.
Too often we settle for regurgitated ignorance instead of assessing the situation and the sum of IT'S parts.
For the ladies, the most admittance of wrong you will hear is a general "there are some women who are bad" but then QUICKLY point out "..but not ALL women are like that."
ex. One lady tells her girlfriend she caught her man cheating. Girfriend systematically replies, "get rid of em, he's a dog. He did it once, he'll do it again. Once a cheat always a cheat so get rid of that zero and make room for a hero!"
The lady says, "oh, I meant to say 'he caught ME cheating,' to which the same friend replied, "well girl, maybe if he was taking care of his business at home you wouldn't have HAD to stray!"
I know many of the ladies will laugh at this example while still others will simply think "hm, not me." Look, the point is, we MUST get to the place where we can communicate openly with each other and forget about these foolish "roll of the tongue sayings." If you wish to be respected as a GROUP, then expect to be criticized as a GROUP. If you wish to be praised and respected FOR YOU, then accept responsibility (and other ilitys) when YOU are not at YOUR best. Don't quickly show him why it's HIS fault YOU were wrong. Be wrong, ask forgiveness of the Father, and your man, forgive yourself, learn from it and move on. If you're already thinking "well, HE don't/does...then you clearly missed the whole point. We know where men are wrong. Each boy grows up learning it. Remember, someone being wrong, never makes you right. It just means you have a heart to do wrong and just needed a reason to not be culperable.
Thanks guys. I love you.
GoLive!!

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author avatar Pammers
6th Mar 2012 (#)

Well said!

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author avatar ashan1614
6th Mar 2012 (#)

WILLingtolearn, I'll be the first to admit that there are as many bad/awful/evil women in the world as there are bas/awful evil women. But we still live in a patriarchal society (as much as women's libbers may dare to differ) and women are less well-equipped financially to get out of this kind of relationship or are told, even by other women that they are over-reacting, whiny or playing the victim. This reinforces the power the man in question hold over her.

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author avatar chrysolite
18th Jun 2012 (#)

I do agree with you, ashan1614. All the more it is necessary that ALL women make their own money to live in this society. Any dependency will very often end badly.

The internet is full of jobs and every woman can build up a business and be independent.

Making money has nothing to do with intelligence or education, every woman can find her money earning niche. Relying on men is quite obviously not an option anymore as soaring divorce rates show.

And when the women finally earn their own money, then partnerships are on a different level as men have to finally, finally, finally grow up and emancipate themselves too.

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author avatar Vickey
1st Jun 2014 (#)

"I'm not so sure that women know or even care about the things that are important to men anymore." WILL, your statement is an example of the "poor me" role men play that divides the sexes. What we hear as women living with these types is what the man wants. You lack the experience and understanding of what it is like living with a misogynist. The women who live with these types must be subservient to THEIR needs - THEIR wants - THEIR way (or the highway) if the relationship is to last. These types do not value a women's opinion - they work at tearing down their self esteem, making them feel worthless so so they can feel superior. These types work at making the woman wrong to be right. IF they "could communicate openly" is not part of the picture. They are either unable or unwilling and can't and won't. They want to win - be right - and this means the woman is always wrong, no matter if it is proven otherwise. Misogynists do not understand that a relationship is NOT about right and wrong, it is about equality - each is entitled to their perception of what is, which deserves respect. With these types, their perception is all that is. Forgiveness only perpetuates their behavior. The one you call God has nothing to do with human dysfunction. The Creator gave us physical life to experience experience because IT couldn't. It is up to OUR WILL to do the work necessary to rise above the negativity forced upon us, which makes us able to evolve to a higher level of awareness.

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author avatar Jes
21st Apr 2012 (#)

sounds like my ex!

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author avatar Todd
3rd Jun 2012 (#)

ashnan1614 some men are misogynist because women are for the most part are manipulative.Women love to hide behind this idea they are all victims when many are gold diggers, use their kids as pawns to get money from men. This is never discussed because women hide behind political correctness. The way the author wrote this is along the lines of that dishonesty.

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author avatar chrysolite
18th Jun 2012 (#)

Seems you are a bit bitter, Todd, and had some bad experience. But generalizing is quite insulting as well. Not all women are like you describe them.

Furthermore the article is correct, we have a misogynist in the neighborhood and once we realized what the problem was, we could deal with it on a personal basis.

Generally a misogynist will end up bitter and lonely unless they get professional help.

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author avatar ashan1614
18th Jun 2012 (#)

As is mentioned on numerous occasions in this discussion, I freely admit there are bad women in the world. This article just happens not to be dealing with people who dislike a particular woman because of her actions, but rather people who dislike all women for no reason.

This article doesn't apply to all men any more than the scenario you described applies to all women.

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author avatar Rara
30th May 2014 (#)

MISOGYNIST ALERT! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

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author avatar A stranger girl
18th Jun 2012 (#)

I knew some men that exhibit these traits and what concerns me the most is that they also coined to what is termed psychopaths. There are a lot of study on these traits that make mysoginists plain verbal, physical and psychological abusers or only verbal and psychological.

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author avatar Anjelique rosa
30th Jun 2012 (#)

As I was readIng this list to my mother I was sad and wanted to cry but had to be strong everything on the list is my father and it's sad because we can't get it we are stuck but thanks for at least showing me so I can just stay away from him and protect my mom from this damn man. Sad to say

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author avatar SpaceBarb
30th Jul 2012 (#)

One of the worst things ever is having a boss that is a misogynist. No way to win. Love your list. (wish I could send it to him)

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author avatar Invisible
5th Aug 2012 (#)

Indeed SpacBarb - I have taken the heat with no recognition while he wrecked havoc on the online community he was supposed to be protecting, and was verbally abused because he offended by the invective he read in a long list of grievances he never addressed, while the community looked silently on. I have never been made to feel so invisible in my life.

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author avatar ashan1614
12th Aug 2012 (#)

I am so thrilled to have this dialogue. I never expected that when I wrote this article the response would be so overwhelming and long-lasting.

@ A stranger girl - it makes perfect sense for a misogynist to be a psychopath/sociopath, someone who is incapable of empathizing or feeling remorse for their mistreatment of others.

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author avatar Dr Angela
12th Sep 2012 (#)

Some Women like prostitutes can raise misogynists.

Having worked with a client who was firstly abandoned and neglected by his mother (his father was forced to leave that relationship, was barred accessed and sadly died in the clients pre teens) then bullied and sexually humilated by girls I do think in some rare circumstances women can create a monster. Soc alled client's mother moved on to being an abusive dugg addict and prostitute and the client was mainly bullied by girls.

The client responded to such abuse by viewing violent pornography and had no stable relationships let alone ones with women. His forays into sexual behavior were with street working prostitutes and degrading.

After an assault on a woman my client ended up n therapy. Thankfully numerous counsellign sessions with a variety of health care professionals has helped. The bets thing - a relationship he formed with a woman that has led to his daughter.

We are so thankful for his recovery.

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author avatar Terri
13th Sep 2012 (#)

Thank you so much for this great article. It was written without hate and blame also, so kudos for that. Speaking for myself, I think that is not an easy task. I was wondering this morning if the root cause of misogyny is the belief by the misogynist that given a free choice, a woman would not choose him and therefore women must be forced to submit.

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author avatar Sadwife
5th Oct 2012 (#)

I have struggled for sixteen years trying to understand why my husband is the easy he is.

The contempt he seems to feel for me more often than not, no matter what I do, is something that kills my spirit but I just can't get him to see our admit to it.

He always feel justified and I always am always deserving of it. He will speak to me like I am brain damaged, cut me off constantly, change the subject and then say I am overreacting when I am finally driven to frustration. He condescendingly says "you obviously can't handle the conversation without losing it" with a sarcastic smirk. Oh, and if I try to be ask him questions he does not feel comfortable with, or disagree with him, or stand up for myself, he will say I am being disrespectful or a bitch. He is only sweet to me when I am playing the role he expects me to play and crawling around kissing his feet.

He has been violent and if anything his anger and entitlement has skyrocketed the past few years.

Once I voiced my desire to get back to work, he began refusing to use protection and would not want to have sex with me if we did. You see, he always felt happiest when I was pregnant and stuck at home, so me getting pregnant for the 7th time was his solution to me wanting to work again. He never admitted to it of course. It is insanity. I stood my ground and that pissed him off, and last time I tried to ask him to get a vasectomy he broke stuff and screamed at me...

He hates any women in position of power, hates to work with them, will not listen to anything women have to say.... I have did not know what mysogeny was...

Sorry, this is long . I just needed to talk.

I don't know what to do next. I have been thinking a lot.

Thank you for the article.

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author avatar Sadwife
5th Oct 2012 (#)

Sorry... many out correct mistakes apparently. Starting with "he is the easy he is" I wanted to say "the way he is"

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author avatar ashan1614
6th Oct 2012 (#)

Sadwife, no need to apologize for the length of your comment. I think you are totally justified in feeling the way you do. I myself have dealt with a husband who always tried to invalidate my feelings as if I were crazy for feeling one way or another. He took any difference of opinion on my part as a personal affront, or would make comments such as "You must have been talking to your friends", as if I was incapable of thinking for myself. This all when I actually have a higher level of education than he does. I believe a lot of that stemmed from the recognition on his part that I could actually survive without him (having a degree and a higher income than him), whereas without me, his life would be a struggle. If he could crush my self-esteem and make me feel somehow unworthy, then his position would be safe. It is a vicious cycle and requires some professional counselling. I am not a counselor, but I would try to get your husband to agree to get some help. If he is not willing, then you have a big decision to make as to whether to continue in your marriage.

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author avatar Sean david
8th Oct 2012 (#)

I am a gay man almost 70, a few years back I met a 23 year old, now 26. He eventually became homeless, actually kicked out by gf and asked if he could stay with me. What an interesting journey that was for 10 months. During that time he slept in my bed every night, he had his own bedroom, bathroom etc. but every night he would appear at my door and jumped in the bed. Not always sexual but it was there for the taking, he took the passive role usually. During these 10 months he had affairs with over 10+ women, it took me awhile to catch on what he was doing and when I realized what was happening I got him psych attention and on bi polar medications. He left a wave of female destruction behind. The therapist said not only was he a misogynist, but, also, narciscistic, a deadly combination. This boy is handsome, muscled, tattooed, a man's man who could have any women he wanted, yet he chose the heavy set women to make his advances on. Then he would use their children to cement the relationship, even after breaking up some of these women would let him come back and see their kids, and of course he would want sex from them and most of them would give in. After he left I had women on my doorstep looking for him, devastated to hear he was no longer here and had moved south. He trolls the internet for women, constantly looking for his next target, it was a fascinating 10 months. To all the idiots out there that discounted the original article, you have no idea of the horror that awaits women from these men. I have seen it first hand. This boy has no empathy, has 4 kids, by 3 different women, and as I write this I am still astounded by what I saw and continue to see. He had the uncanny ability to zero in on a women, within hours would know the vulnerabilities and then he would pounce. Ladies, if you think that you are a match or can help a person like this, unless you are a health care professional with lots of mental health experience, you don''t stand a chance. I am a health care pro with over 45 years of exp and I had a hard time once I discovered what he was doing in trying to find avenues to help him. I am still not sure if he is gay, he gave his butt to men and dick to women and to look at you would never ever think he touched a guy much less sexually active with one especially in the passive role. My advice, run as far as you can, he will destroy you for months to come and have no empathy at all for how you are feeling. I have since developed relationships with a few of the women he abused, they are not aware of our relationship, but the stories they told and there was a constant similar theme throughout each of their interactions with him. So read carefully what the author had to say, research further on the net, what she has said is spot on.

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author avatar ashan1614
10th Oct 2012 (#)

Sean David, thank you for your candid comment. I did my home work before I wrote this article, trying to pinpoint what to label my own husband. I have to agree that some misogynists are narcissists and/or sociopaths. They hurt women with impunity, as it were, showing no remorse, no empathy, total disregard for their feelings. Ladies, listen to Sean David. Unless you are a mental health professional, you are not equipped to deal with these individuals. Run for the nearest exit.

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author avatar Cazzi
1st May 2013 (#)

This all makes very interesting reading and has opened my eyes and now I believe u have the answers to what I have been looking for. I met a man on a dating site 3 months back, he's in London, I'm in Yorkshire. As yet we have not met because he says he has work commitments and is waiting to for some free time to come and visit me. We got on great right from the start, seemed to have a connection and bond and I fell in love with him and he with me during our long nightly chats. We talked about being together eventually and he told me he wanted to be my man etc etc. yet two months came and went and I began to wonder why we hadn't met. He claims he has 5 kids from 15 upwards and one lives with him. He says the kids spend time at his place during the week so I can't stay with him which would be a solution as I have a lot of free time. But he seems to have changed lately, for the past few weeks he continuously accuses me of chatting with other men on the Internet if i font snswer his text messages within 10 seconds, he keeps going on even though I tell him I only want and think about him. Three months passed and still no meeting so I offered to visit my daughter in London so we could also meet up. He said, 'what, you want to substitute a weekend for a couple of hours meeting up, no way, I want a night with you, book a hotel'. Ok that was a good idea at least I would then know if we were a match. But then he said, 'I hope you will be totally submissive for me'. For god's sake he was even insisting on anal sex on a first meeting. Of course I was not happy and he said that I didn't understand. It was a test to see how much I loved him, if I would do what ever he asked. My immediate reaction was, what a clever man building me up with love talk so I would surrender to anal. I thought oh maybe he wanted everything the first time because there wasn't going to be any more times to follow. He said that i just didn't 'get it', I had to prove to him That i love him enough to do everything he asks of me. Now I have read all these stories I realise that it's not a test of my love for him, it's a test of obedience. Will I obey him totally!
Interestingly, when I try to reason logically, expressing my side and my feelings he tells me I'm over the top ! Refers to those messages as 'the saga' and tells me that I am in fact mad. I am supposed to be calm and chilled and wait for him and while I am waiting tell him daily how much I love him. Three months is a long time, is he married, in a relationship ? Can't he find an excuse to get away, these were the issues that bothered me, but now they are not so important. Now I'm thinking I'm seeing the real 'him' and his behaviour is ticking all your boxes !
Comments please. And yes I am a silly woman, I fell totally and utterly in love with him!!!!!!!

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author avatar Rose
8th Nov 2012 (#)

I have been married to my husband six months and believe me...it is not the women that is crazy. If your man shows these signs, then run as fast as you can, away from him...mine will play games like went to live with his x wife now twice in the last six months...he always plays the sympathy card and makes people think i am the crazy one...i have filed for divorce and he is taking his swewet time returning the papers to my lawyer, when all i want to do is end this marriage

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author avatar Free-From-Crazy
6th Dec 2012 (#)

I am enlightened, thanks to so many of you that were brave enough to post your experiences.
I too was in a relationship with a man who I thought was a charming and caring until his Mr. Hyde yeilded itself six months after he and I became "exclusive".
Exclusivity obviously meant that I now belonged to him, which gave him the license to became critical about everything I said, and felt. Particularly If it was contrary to what he thought I should feel or say or think. Punishment was handed to me by verbal comments about how stupid, or ignorant, or whatever he thought would tap into my internal psyche.
I finally had enough when I looked inward and ask myself why would a woman such as myself, who has a successful career, travels the globe, and is very well liked, allow myself to tolerate this treatment. Love of course taints even the toughest of women. But after I thought about what I was not getting from the relationship and what I was, I realized I needed to free myself from crazy...him.
When I finally took the step to walk away, it was during yet another episode of his verbal abuse when I took pity on him. I had resolved myself from the situation, and was finally ready to save myself.
I only regret that a lot of the "signs" would have been available a lot sooner so I could have left sooner, or better still, never get involved with him in the first place.
I forgave myself first, after all I was an active partner in the this dysfuntional relationship too. I then I learned to forgive him too. Regardless of his verbal cruelty to me, the reality is, he's the one that has to live this way for rest of his life.

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author avatar Survivor
29th Dec 2012 (#)

I was born into a misogynistic family, my mother included. I have a brain of my own though, and I used it to rationalise that there are good & bad men, and good & bad women in this world. To believe that 50% of the worlds' population is bad based on their gender, one would have to have very serious emotional or mental problems. I agree with chrysolites' comment that misogynists always end up bitter & lonely. I have a brother is is just that, and in gaol. I'm glad I used my brain.

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author avatar ashan1614
31st Dec 2012 (#)

Survivor, I am glad you used your brain as well. At some point, someone has to be willing to break the cycle. Kudos to you!

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author avatar No serious involvments
1st Jan 2013 (#)

Thanks so much for your article. I not sure I know what someone who is not a Misogynist is like. Would it be possible to list characteristics of a healthy person?

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author avatar Tori2013
16th Jan 2013 (#)

i dated a Misogynist for a few years on and off, and thought I was going crazy. He took money off me and promised to pay me back, never did, he constantly cheated but couldn't believe it when I did it to him. I could go on but no point, I finally got rid of the looser and never looked back. I just feel for the women he will next make miserable.

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author avatar Mrsj
16th Jan 2013 (#)

I have been married for 20 years...in the beginning I thought he was just a dog. I don't know how many times he's cheated. I know at least twice...and I'm sure there's more.
Last year, I came home one night his cell rang...and I heard a woman say...is your wife home? We argued that night...needless to say...nothing was accomplished. The thing that really hurts is that our 20 yr old twins are aware of his indiscretions. He is so sloppy, that he's managed to fill them in without knowing it. I don't think he cares.
I don't have sex with him any more. And if he doesn't seek help I am preparing to leave. I don't want to get divorced, but I don't want my life to continue this way. I don't feel free. I appreciate this article, and I appreciate Kenya Moore's aunt because she used the word misogynist (you had to be there). Understanding what it truly means for a man to be a woman hater, may have been one the best things that ever happened to me. Be Blessed...and always get to know the man before you marry him, and remember you can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved...I learned this the hard way. I hope that one day...I will have a loving, trustworthy, God fearing man...thanks again.

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author avatar Sachin Srivastava
23rd Jan 2013 (#)

Your Article Post is something that helped our team a lot (I am the co - founder of the webzene at www.rationalavenue.com). Our theme includes rationality. feminism, psychoanalysis. We have written extensively on crime against women. I'd urge you Ashan (and also others who care for women rights) to do see our posts. Some of the links are as follows:

http://www.rationalavenue.com/my-brush-with-feminism/

http://www.rationalavenue.com/women-versus-the-penis-envy/

http://www.rationalavenue.com/why-and-where-are-we-wrong/

http://www.rationalavenue.com/crime-against-women-stop-blaming-eve/

These are some of our articles on women issues. Do share your feedback with us, Ashan. We thank you for posting this article. It, along with its comments, helped us a lot in understanding misogynist tendencies.

Also do visit our facebook page for updates on rationality.
http://www.facebook.com/RationalAvenue?ref=ts&fref=ts

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author avatar Sachin Srivastava
23rd Jan 2013 (#)

Also visit our facebook cause specifically for tackling crime against women and educating men about the women rights.

http://www.facebook.com/StrengthHeraldsEmpowermentShe?ref=ts&fref=ts

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author avatar Shashi Rai
23rd Jan 2013 (#)

I came by this disgusting facebook group:
http://www.facebook.com/StrengthHeraldsEmpowermentShe?ref=ts&fref=ts

It incites against women and favors low standards for women. One of its members likens women to dogs and preaches that women, if treated like dogs, shouldn't feel it bad, because that's what they deserve.

Sachin Srivastava (^^) and I spent quite a time debating on women rights but those dickheads won't listen. I'd urge all of you to report that facebook group on facebook for hate speech against women. Those pigs don't deserve to exist.

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author avatar Shashi Rai
23rd Jan 2013 (#)

Oh Oh I'm sorry.... the group link is not that I mentioned above. That is the link for our cause-for-women group.

The group I talked about in my above comment is this:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/antifeminism/?ref=ts&fref=ts

Report it on facebook

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author avatar Billy rabe
11th Feb 2013 (#)

Women often bring it upon themselves. Want to know what causes mysoginy? Women cause it.

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author avatar ashan1614
23rd Feb 2013 (#)

Misogyny (note the spelling, Billy rabe) is an irrational hatred for women. While one woman may give you cause to hate her, misogynists hate women who have not given them cause, simply because they are women. Therefore, I find your comment/opinion unfounded.

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author avatar Erinsfire
18th Apr 2014 (#)

Oh poor baby boys! That their bad behavior is in the control of a WOMAN! They cannot control themselves. Well! No wonder they're so grumpy!

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author avatar Ann
13th Feb 2013 (#)

Thats not nice to say. We all have to look at ourselves in the mirror, and that is including the men. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. We live and learn. Make love not war. Stop moaning. Thought that was for women. We are here for each other. Get on with it.

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author avatar Hated by women
23rd Feb 2013 (#)

I have been hurt by women so much in my life that I hate them. I guess technically, that makes me a misogynist. But then I take what Janice Dickinson said on "America's Next Top Model" ten years ago: "I may be a (female dog), but I've EARNED the right to be a (female dog)." The same thing applies to me: I may be a misogynist, but I've EARNED the right to be a misogynist.

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author avatar ashan1614
14th May 2013 (#)

Hated by women, I am sorry that you have been through such an ordeal. I (as stated many times above) am the first to admit that there are terrible women in this world. I hope that someday you will someone that will change your mind.

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author avatar Erinsfire
18th Apr 2014 (#)

I am continually struck by the guys complaining about how their women/moms were anti-male bullies as if that justifies males bullying women. It doesn't. Don't they see they are actually agreeing with the women against misogynists? No one likes to be bullied and abused by their loved ones. You guys who have had bad experiences with women should identify with those women who have been abused. You didn't like it--neither do they. End of story.

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author avatar Vickey
1st Jun 2014 (#)

Each of us has been "hurt" by others. It is necessary experience for our growth. Blame will get us no where. Look at the lesson - learn from the lesson - appreciate the lesson and the ones who taught you the lesson. We are here to learn and the lessons are not always easy. If we don't learn from one hurtful experience, there will be another to follow until we do. The faces may change but the lesson remains. When we overcome that lesson, there will be another one right behind it. We can learn in sorrow or joy - The choice is ours.

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author avatar Tryingtodogood
10th Jun 2013 (#)

Thank you Ashan for putting this together. Some of the commenters have made this personal, but misogyny isn't personal. They have a general disdain for women in general, and feel we're worth very little. I have been researching emotional abuse and have realized that I have been in an abusive marriage for 31 years. This fits my father-in-law and my husband to a tee! When they reduce you to this level-abuse is inevitable. This is a tragic and destructive phenomenon to families and I feel is the root cause of much depression and physical distress among women today.

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author avatar Jennifer
21st Apr 2014 (#)

agreed. no wonder so many females are broken spiritually

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author avatar ashan1614
14th Jun 2013 (#)

Tryingtodogood, I have recognized that my marriage of 27 and a half years is not only to a misogynist, but a manipulative and controlling man as well. He knows that I am a giving and compassionate person and he plays on that. Enough tears, gifts and apologies and I will cave in and believe he's sincere about changing his ways. My short-comings and mistakes are far worse than any of his (he always gives what he feels in a strong argument for his case). Then I feel bad and get emotional and he wins. Recently, I had to make up in my own mind that I will no longer be his victim. He is now literally coming apart at the seams because he has lost control of the situation and can't understand why. He tells me I've "changed", but all that really means is that I have stopped living my life HIS way and giving in to HIS wishes and he can't stand it. It is emotional abuse, pure and simple. I've had my emotional stability questioned (You must have some sort of hormonal imbalance or are going through a mid-life crisis.), my faith in God questioned (Don't you believe that God can fix this? Your faith is weak right now, so I need to be strong for both of us.). When those tactics failed he tried to instill fear in me by saying that if I divorce him, all the friends I think are in my corner will abandon me and I'll be out there all by myself. I've been accused of conspiring with my friends in my decision to end my marriage (of course I couldn't have made a decision on my own). And he had even told me he has considered taking his own life because I am the only one he's ever loved and if I'm not in his life, then it's not worth living. It took me a long time to realize that it's all a ploy; the cards he feels he needs to play to win the hand. The more I see, the sicker I realize this situation it is. I don't see a way to heal it, so I'm going to have to end it.

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author avatar Kim
16th Sep 2013 (#)

I just separated from my husband of 10 years. I had not realized how I much made excuses for his behavior over the years. Thankfully about a year ago, I woke up! My divorce will be final in December. I didn't know how to define him until I stumbled upon your article today. I had looked at Bi-polar, and other disorders, but had never even heard of a misogynist. I have/had a very strong personality, but over the years he slowly turned me into a more passive/submissive person, with his emotional and verbal abuse. I got tired of arguing with him and slowly started shutting down and letting him take control of our marriage. The last straw was when I found out he was having an affair. Of course he claims it was never sexual, but it was certainly secret and at the very least an emotional affair. I left one day when he went to work. I did not tell him I was leaving because I feared what he would do. The day I left he feigned suicide. Over the past 10 months, he has begged and called constantly. He too, has even tried putting GOD in the mix, and he was never very interested in faith before. He calls my parents constantly with his garbage. He's been going to counselors, but will not listen to anyone who does not agree with his side of the story. I am 44 and have always wanted to be a mother. We talked about it before and right after marriage. He even went with me to visit and talk to my OB/GYN. 6 months into our marriage he changed his mind, and said he didn't want to have kids. Now that I am gone, and too old, besides being in a different place in my life, he says that he wants to have kids if I come back. He bought me a car, but I can only get it I come back. I have moved on, and I wish he would leave me alone. I don't answer his phone calls, or e-mail. I don't have any communications with him.

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author avatar V Gledhill
20th Jun 2013 (#)

Excellent article. After reading about the horrific murder in 2007 of Emily Sander, I have being trying to make sense of why some men become complete savages and murder women in horrific ways. Is there any way men with this capacity of violence can be picked up on and stopped before they commit heinous crimes. ? As a man I think women should have the right to do anything they please in life. A decent man wants to pretect a woman from harm, not inflict pain and suffering, and domination. Part of it is obviously bullying, but it goes far further than that. Well done for the list of traits to look out for in Misogynist men .Ladies....forewarned is forearmed. Thank God for women. !!!!!!!

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author avatar Just lol
12th Sep 2013 (#)

An article written by the most inferior kind of human on the face of the earth, a non-white BLACK woman, lol.... I have to admit that for a nigger you guessed most things pretty well, expected less; calling it a disorder though is not correct. It is simply the superior way of thinking.

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author avatar ashan1614
14th Sep 2013 (#)

Just lol, I'm guessing I'm probably more educated than you are; certainly less ignorant. I wouldn't write about anything I hadn't either researched or knew firsthand.

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author avatar Jack
7th Dec 2013 (#)

I believe that neither gender is all one or the other. This one girl, when rumors popped up that I might like her, assumed it was correct and ran from me. I did try to talk to her, because I was confused. We had been friends, and she was running. I didn't pick up on the social cue. (Asperger's does that to me sometimes.) She just ran from me and assumed I was evil and didn't care about her for her personality when I tried to have a sincere talk with her. When I realized how much she played "damsel in distress," I got angry that she assumed so quickly. When her friend e-mailed me for her and I responded, when she got the message, she went and told all the people who started the rumors. From there on out, I have just left the whole thing alone, and when people bother me about it, I just say, "You've got the wrong guy. Go make some new disaster." She assumed me a manipulative, misogynistic guy much too quickly, and I couldn't

However, I do not generalize. She was one girl, one woman out of many! I have seen plenty of nicer women! She is one person. And these guys, at least some of them, I am sure they saw me as a threat to...their own possibilities in their minds. I'll leave it at that. They didn't care about her as a person, and she seems to accept and conform to that. I lost faith in her and left. Better I have no one then someone like her. And there are plenty of other women out there. I'm sure I'll find someone right for me. I can't force it.

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author avatar Adri
22nd Mar 2014 (#)

I am writing my life story, was married to a mysoginist for 22 years and finally divorced him 22 years ago. The reason for writing was in case someone would find herself within the pages of the book and find out there is life after the devastation of such a soul-destroying relationship. I thought I would google Mysogeny to give my reader some form of definition, and found so much it is impossible to select one quote that does it all. I think I will just refer to this article and allow my reader to discover the extent of the problem for themselves.

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author avatar ashan1614
24th Mar 2014 (#)

Adri, there is certainly a lot of information regarding the characteristics of a misogynist.I kept finding more and more which seemed to point to my own husband being one. I've finally turned that page and am in the process of divorce after 28 years of bondage. I know there is life after this and I am looking forward to developing a healthy relationship in the future.

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author avatar Jennifer
21st Apr 2014 (#)

Thanks for the article. My father is deeply misogynistic. A very evil and sadistic coward. Awareness needs to be raised among women about this. My mother still doesn't believe misogynists exist and thinks that men are just mean sometimes. I think if she was taught in her youth what a woman hater was, she would have understood the huge difference between a periodically grumpy person and chronically unprovoked yet resentful personality. The hate and ice from living with a father like that and maintaining relations with him over the years has done such a bad number on my self-esteem and confidence.

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author avatar Margret
26th Apr 2014 (#)

Misogyny or aspergers?

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author avatar Charles
28th Apr 2014 (#)

All these women complaining about men -- and not a single word about misandry. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Talk about female narcissism!

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author avatar Andrew
29th Apr 2014 (#)

I respect all comments here is one for all did god create women inferior to man no further information go find September 1 2012 watchtower magazine on does god care about women

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author avatar Insidious_Sid
7th May 2014 (#)

I would offer that this list, in an attempt to be complete if not exhaustive, exceeds the scope of what truly defines misogyny. There are perhaps a half-dozen other personality disorders and character defects described in that list, including narcissism, passive-aggressive behavior, self-defeating behavior, defeatist / fatalistic attitudes, anger management issues and any one of a number of other mental health issues or social maladaptations. This list would be better titled: "Anything that could go wrong with a man". You could also replace the word "man" with "woman" and "he" with "she" and decribed the "worst possible woman". Misogyny is simply the hatred a person has for women - there are a number of causes and a plethora of ways a misogynist can act out. Some troll the internet. Some are violent. Some are manipulative. Some are actually nice to their wives and kids and don't even know they are misogynists. There is a tendency for women (especially when in feminist environments) to say that any time a woman is suffering for any reason, it's due to the actions of a misogynist man somewhere. There are many reasons why men do things that bother women or outright enrage them, but are not (by definition) real misogyny. These lists actually serve to muddy the waters - already people are commenting thinking this list is correct and thorough. I'd suggest people look at more reliable sources for information.

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author avatar Vickey
1st Jun 2014 (#)

WELL SAID Ashan! The facts are stated clearly and understandably. It helped me SO much to read your research. I have been living with one of these who has ALL of the traits listed. I had been beating myself up as if I was the problem. Your article inspired me and has given me strength and power to take action. He will either go for counseling or he's out the door. I doubt these types will change - they have buried their insecurity so deeply that they seem to enjoy their contempt for women.

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author avatar Islandhopper
30th Jun 2014 (#)

I was dating a man who treated me like a Queen for the first while until I began to really care for him. We went on holidays together and he began to call me nicknames that were meant to make me feel huge and ungainly. When I commented that I didn't like that he would try to make me feel bad by saying he was only "kidding" or just "teasing" me. Too many things to describe here but I finally got the message that he was trying to undermine my confidence in myself. When ever I would call him on something he said he would say to me, "can't you take a joke?, or "you don't have any sense of humor". This only when the remarks were directed to me and always pointing to something negative about my actions, thoughts or body. He was generous and constantly threw that at me with some expectation that I should appreciate him for being "such a good guy!". I am fully self supporting, pay my own way and repay kindness with many things I do in return. Yet he tried to make me feel cheap and selfish. I finally figured it out and told him that I thought he was a woman hater with his background of relationship failures and he was shocked I could think that of him. He thinks he is the most generous guy and always "helping" his girlfriends out with their money issues etc. You pegged it in so many of your characteristics. I was probably one of the only women he dated that wasn't needy and/or vulnerable and despite his best efforts, he couldn't turn me into one. I ended the relationship after that last trip and I don't talk to him anymore. He is now old, and ill and lonely due to his bad life style habits and his own actions. I caution any others like him that they could and should end up in the same situation. Get help for yourself if you are one and if you are with one, get out or get help.

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author avatar Maddox
5th Jul 2014 (#)

I'm sorry but I think you overestimate a man's upbringing and the influence his parents have on him; it would require extremely dramatic childhood experiences to turn a man into a misogynist.
I think it takes more. A series of relationships with women who are treating a guy like shit, play with his needs, ask him to talk about his feelings and then mock him, or simply cheat on him. Being cheated on more than once could very well be the reason, at least IMHO.

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