Understanding the Wonderful Art of Forgiveness

By Goodpal, 10th Aug 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2imrh8i8/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Mental Health

Aggression, insensitivity, and betrayal can take numerous forms and hurt us in unexpected ways and at unexpected times. Many of these events leave us with continuous resentment and anger. Forgiveness protects us against the imperfect behavior of people around us, provided we understand it correctly.

Mental Pain in Life
What is Forgiveness?
The Art of Forgiveness
5 Quotes on Forgiveness
Read Two Inspiring Stories

Mental Pain in Life

It is impossible to live in this world without being hurt, offended, misunderstood, or lied to. Aggression, insensitivity, and betrayal can take numerous forms and hurt us in unexpected ways and at unexpected times. Many of these events leave us with resentment and anger and we find ourselves ruminating. We even hold grudges against people who are even alive anymore. What is this thing called grudge? It is harboring ill feelings and a desire to get even.

Learning how not to get affected by these happenings is learning the basic art of living. It is easier said than done; we all know that. Forgiving is probably the most difficult emotional task. It basically means wiping the slate clear and coming out of the feelings of chronic resentment and hurt.

What is Forgiveness?

Mind at Peace

Forgiveness often becomes a challenge because it is misunderstood. There is a common mis-perception that forgiveness means condoning or forgetting. What was wrong then is still wrong now. How can you really forget something that has been hurting you continuously? It is impractical and illogical as well. It is merely a wishful thinking that doesn’t work.

It is important to remember that you want to forgive not because the person deserves it. Instead, it is an act of love, kindness, and mercy. It is primarily for YOU and not for the offender. Its purpose is to release you from the cycle of mental torture that resides inside you – it is 100 percent for you. It is recognizing that you are fully responsible for your feelings – painful or peaceful. Someone hurt you once, but by playing the scene in the mind over and over again you are merely inflicting more pain on you. This is the first reality you have to accept. The mental chatter of oppression exists inside your mind – you have to fix it.

The Art of Forgiveness

I Forgive You.

“Forgive, because you are smart enough to know people make mistakes.”

The only objective of forgiving someone is to FREE YOURSELF from mental anguish resulting from the desire to settle a score with someone. The hurtful situation is now an event from the past, but you are still holding on to it – this is the real problem.

Deciding to forgive someone means “deciding to give up the right to hurt him/her as a revenge for the hurt you are going through.” Therefore, it is all about “letting go.” Think of forgiving as a form of letting go or release of the hurt and anguish you are repeatedly feeling. And remember, it is “your hurt“ that you want to “let go”. And you want to “let go of the hurt” because you want to “feel free”.

One good way to let go is to acknowledge that the offender is also an imperfect person and could not do any better and ending up hurting you. Is it OK to expect imperfect behavior from someone who is not perfect? You also need to ask yourself – why you take things so personally? Are you perfect?

No doubt forgiveness is difficult and challenging but remaining glued to the grudge is even more hazardous – it constantly is eating away your life. Think of the wonderful benefits of forgiving – the practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce restlessness, stress, and depression and generates all round sense of well-being and happiness.

It helps if you limit your expectation of good behaviors from others for a very good reason – because they are not perfect. We live in a highly defective world where we should in fact be grateful if someone is courteous and be satisfied with that.

In nutshell, develop the right perspective of life, a correct understanding of yourself, and take hundred percent responsibility for your feelings – this solves emotional issues before they arise.

5 Quotes on Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. – Isaac Friedmann

Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. – Roberto Assagioli

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. – Lewis B. Smedes

It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive. – Unknown

If two people stay together, it's not because they forget; it's because they forgive. – Unknown

Read Two Inspiring Stories

A Tale of Two Monks
A Tale of Two Wolves

Meet the author

Goodpal
I am a researcher by training and a keen practitioner of mindfulness meditation for last fifteen years. I regularly write on personal growth and social topics.