120 reasons to stop contacting your ex - written over the course of 6 weeks from personal experience

Authenticme By Authenticme, 5th Oct 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/11uiqr5_/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Recovery & Coping

A summary of reasons I've learned from personal experience for not maintaining contact with an ex boyfriend

120 Reasons to Stay No Contact with the Ex

We've all been there at some point, early to mid break up we come across the term 'no contact'. In other words, no emailing, texting, chatting, cyber stalking, ANY contact with the ex is off limits. It is widely believed to be the only way to complete healing from your ex, challenging as it will inevitably be. Having been there myself, here is a list I compiled to resist that overwhelming urge you may have to contact your ex, including someone who really did the dirty on you:

1) Let them wonder what you are up to for a change!
2) If you've been needy, clingy, no contact is a good way to repair the damage and behave as you wish you would have done initially
3) if someone doesn't appreciate your presence, let them appreciate your absense
4) to detox yourself of the person- to flush them out of your system
5) to replace thoughts of them with thoughts about your own needs
6) to deny them access to your life. Knowledge is power, so take their power away
7) to convey the message to them that you have moved on
8) to learn to be more productive with your time
9) to not be subjected to their rejection one more time - including not wanting to hold your hand or kiss you
10) to avoid seeing them at your worse - perhaps having put on unwanted weight and having been in misery-ville since the break up
11) to avoid seeing them when you are not back to your previous, strong and fabulous self
12) to deny them of everything about you that was positive in their life - your humour, love, support, encouragement.
12) 'the truth will out' as they say - it is much more likely to the more distance you gain
13) to stop stroking their ego
14) to stop chasing which screams ' you are better than me, I need you in my life'
15) to learn to do things on your own
16) to relearn who you are
17) to boost your self esteem - rejection will have damaged it
18) to not give you any of their behaviour to read into and worry about
19) to feel confident that you are going it alone and achieving without their support
20) to become more independent
21) to be unavailable to them at last, after having been available 24-7
22) to suggest to them that you have better things to do with your time - that you have a life!
23) to shift the balance of power
24) as a rule people want what they can't have
25) to make you feel stronger by not reaching out to them
26) to make them wonder what's changed, and why they haven't heard from you
27) to not give them any more amunition to potentially use against you
28) to regain respect for yourself
29) to regain their respect
30) to inspire their trust - if they have broken up with you, honouring their decision will show them you respect it
31) to stop rewarding bad behaviour - if they have dumped you, why would you chase them?
32) to take your hands off the problem completely and try to let go
33) to liberate yourself to do whatever you want
34) if it's been over a year and they haven't committed (excluding special circumstances), to find someone who will commit and stop wasting your time
35) to test their love in the long term
36) 'if you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they're your's, if they don't, they weren't your's to begin with' - St Francis of Assisi
37) to allow you to process the anger you really feel about the situation
38) to find out if they miss you, and if they don't, it's unlikley they appreciated what you gave them
39) to stop training them to mistreat you by continually ignoring their behaviour and going back for more
40) because your time is precious and must not be wasted
41) to prove to yourself and to them that you don't need them
42) because they know how badly they treated you, whether or not they would admit it. Show them you recognise that now.
43) because they are not your friend
44) to rise above this and be the bigger person
45) to maximise the chances of them coming to you. Even if you don't want them back, this will be an ego boost
46) because you are worth being chased
47) because it is the man's job to pursue, not the woman's. Do not pick up his slack any more
48) because if other women can have a kind, loving and devoted husband, so can you - don't put up with any less
49) to show them there are consequences to their actions - everyone knows this
50) we train people how to treat us - treat yourself with respect first to demand they do
51) to ask yourself if you really do want them, once you have learned to live without them
52) if they don't love you, you have no business being with them
53) You are no-one's fall back, down time or back burner girl. No contact will prove if they are willing to make the effort or not
54) Because actions speak louder than words. You may have talked out your feelings til you're blue in the face. Stop and let your actions speak
55) Because men respond to distance, not words
56) to rebuild your life not obsessing over them
57) to up your value, as a prize to be won not just someone 'ordinary'
58) to make room in your metaphorical driveway for mr right!
59) to preserve yourself and guard your heart - if you get in contact with him, you may be played again
60) to promote yourself to the top which is where you should have been all along
61) to convey the message that you think the whole relationship was a mistake. Maybe you do by now
62) to avoid the stress of being with someone who doesn't really love you, and the continual worry that causes
63) to know that if you are in their company, it's because they have contacted you - not because you were the one to arrange it
64) to stop living a lie if they treated you badly - if they did cheat on you or lie to you, that is not something anyone can be okay with inside
65) to get over them - you got over your other exes eventually with no contact
66) if you're not good enough to be a girfriend, you're sure as hell not going to be their friend
67) because if they were a substandard boyfriend, they have nothing to offer you as a friend
68) they are an ex for a reason. You are not the reason it didn't work out - it takes two
69) because you don't have time to waste. There is a mr right to meet and a family to make
70) to really take stock of their true colours, and process the information you do have (a lot!)
71) because you don't need them for answers - the source of your pain will only cause more pain
72) because in relationships, the less you do the more it works. Move back on a
seesaw and watch it move, sit closer to the other person and watch them fall.
73) because you can't change the laws of nature
74) 'if you want to rise, do the difficult'
75) to sort out your own life, and not use them for a meal ticket, if you were that is
76) because a grown woman can stand on her own two feet
77) if it's meant to be, nothing will be able to stop it. If it's not meant to be, nothing will be able to make it work.
78) because time is a healer. Let time heal your wounds
79) because your emotions are probably still running high and the anger you feel may come out in their company. That's not who you really are, just who you are in reaction to them
80) to put yourself first, which is what we need to do anyway
81) to stop auditioning to be their girlfriend. They knew you, they had their opportunity to commit
82) to avoid being strung along.
83) to allow their actions to tell you the truth, and to stop listening to unreliable words
84) to not cushion their fall or ease their transition by staying friends
85) to excavate your true self, before you met them
86) to become yourself again to rekindle your dreams. You can't be clear on what you want to do with your life unless you are being your true self
87) to erase the pain and drama from your life that contact with them brought
88) to be wise and avoid a repetition of what you've been through
89) because if someone is abusive they get worse, not better
90) because they were either supporting you and helping you be your best self, or holding you back
91) because if they don't appreciate you, you are wasting your time spent with them
92) to 'save all your loving for someone who's loving you'
93) because they love you or they don't, there is no grey area
94) because real love will survive whether or not you see the other person
95) because if you weren't really sharing your life together as a couple, he was still in 'dating' mode, not 'committed' mode
96) because by abandoning you they abandoned the relationship
97) because dumping you was a big deal, don't just let them off the hook
98) because the best use of your time is not to spend it with someone who doesn't love you
99) because losing someone who strung you along is no loss
100) to allow your heart to heal and stop hurting - break ups are painful
101) to put your logical mind in control
102) to have things on your terms at last
103) you don't put junk in your body so don't put their lies in your ears
104) because you're looking for a best friend not a mediocre partner
105) you'll look better - chasing after someone is stressful!
106) to get your authentic, natural smile back
107) because if you stop panicking and think about what you really want, it isn't to reach out to him
108) because contact would be from a point of weakness
109) because you have better things to do with your time, like investing in yourself
110) to minimise the time it's going to take from now to get over him
111) because you will never change his character
112) to get back to the point that you don't need someone (you should never need someone)
113) because you've invested enough and been through enough pain
114) because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results
115) because confidence (in yourself) and freedom (letting them go) are the fuel of romantic fire
116) because life is to be enjoyed, and 70% of your future happiness will be determined by who you choose to marry
117) because if you don't know them by now, you never will
118) because he'll only do the dirty again - a leopard never changes his spots
119) there's nothing wrong with you, and he made you feel there was
120) to make more time for doing things with your life rather than researching ways to get over a break up

Tags

Break Up, Healing, No Contact, Self Confidence, Self Esteem, Self Help, Self-Confidence, Self-Discovery, Self-Worth

Meet the author

author avatar Authenticme
I'm an actor, musician, teacher and life coach. I will be publishing articles related to those topics, as well as common interest topics

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Comments

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
5th Oct 2013 (#)

Is this a case in an amicable walk away or a case of abandonment??? The latter has a lot of questions to be answered.
What happens when there are kids?? Do the same rules apply??
Just asking because I am curious.....

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
5th Oct 2013 (#)

I am not divorced, just abandoned with child so need to know if these apply....

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author avatar Authenticme
5th Oct 2013 (#)

IMO any walk away is abandonment and NC is always advised for personal healing

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