A Simple Trick to Heal Painful Memories

Smileworld By Smileworld, 1st Oct 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2xtk99oh/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Self Help

Have you ever wondered why you’re not comfortable with some persons you have just met, to the point that you’re easily irritated with those persons for no reason at all? That, when you talk about some “sad” events in your past, you can still feel the pain, as if it just happened? That you want to block some memories of embarrassment that made you angry with yourself? Can you still do something that would help you move on, be free of pains and embarrassment of the past?

What we are now is a product of our past experiences . . .

What we are now is the result of our past experiences, from infancy to present. Study shows that childhood traumas affect adult behavior. A study of abused or neglected children shows that majority of them have difficulty developing a strong healthy attachment to caregiver. Children who do not have healthy attachments have been shown to be more vulnerable to stress. They have trouble controlling and expressing emotions, and may react violently or inappropriately to situations. The ability to develop healthy, supportive relationships with friends and significant others depends on having first developed those kind of relationships with their families.

A child with complex trauma history may have problems in romantic relationships, in friendships, and with authority figures, such as teachers or police officers. Since the traumas are often an interpersonal nature, even mildly stressful interactions with others may serve as trauma reminders and trigger intense emotional response. Having learned that the world is a dangerous place where even love ones cannot be trusted to protect them, children are often vigilant and guarded in their interactions with others and are more likely to perceive situations as stressful or dangerous. A child with a complex trauma history may be easily triggered or “set off” and is more likely to react very intensely.

A child who feels powerless or grew up fearing an abusive authority figure may react defensively and aggressively in response to perceived blame or attack, or alternately, may at times be over controlled, rigid, and unusually compliant with adults. Children learn their self-worth from the reactions of others, particularly, those closest to them. Shame, guilt, low self-esteem, and a poor self-image are common among children with complex trauma histories.

We may not be an abused nor neglected. But, in some point of our lives, we all have experienced pain, embarrassment and fear, which still affect us adversely the moment we recall the incident. What I am trying to point out is that, our fears, our unexplained painful reactions and embarrassments have origins. And, such “negative reactions” are sometimes hindering us from forming a healthy relationship with our friends, love ones and co-workers, and in the end our happiness is sacrificed. Sometimes, in our desire to protect ourselves, we missed an opportunity to be “happy” or grow out of our cocoon.

Going back to the question, “Can we still do something that would help us move on, be free of pain, traumas and embarrassment of the past without the help of an specialist- a psychiatrist, a psycho-analyst or a psychologist? I’m sure we can! The answer lies in our hand, on our decision and on how serious we are in changing our reaction to our past experiences. Past is past and we cannot change the past. We can, however, change our reaction in dealing with the past. What we are now is the product of our experiences, from infancy to present. By changing a variable, the result can be changed.

How to heal painful memories?

Twenty years ago, I met Sr. Sonia Punzalan, a Cenacle Sister. She taught me a “Trick”, which she called “Healing of Memories”. The trick had been very effective with me, so I would like to share this with you hoping it would give you similar result. Here is how it is done:

1. Recognize that you have some memories which need to be healed, maybe a painful or an embarrassing event.

2. With a person you trust, find a comfortable place, free from intrusion; It can be a room, a chapel, any peaceful place. The role of your companion is either the one in command or one who will help you be in control of the situation.

3. Try to relax, by doing a deep breathing exercise repeatedly.

4. When in a state of relaxation, recall the event, refresh the memory which you want to heal.

5. Once again, experience the “pain” inflicted to you or the “embarrassment” you suffered from the situation. Allow yourself to feel and express your feelings. Cry if you can.

6. Then, in your vision, a person very close to you, or maybe Jesus (if you are a Christian) come to you, embraces you and let you feel that He/she understand what you are feeling. Allow yourself to pour what you feel to your imaginary companion. You’ll feel that you are not alone, you are accepted for what you are, you are understood and loved. Then, you were relieved. Little by little, you’ll feel calm and peace.

7. You will tell yourself that you forgive the person who inflicted you pain or embarrassment. You will keep repeating the act of forgiving until you feel that you are sincerely doing it.

8. Then, your trusted imaginary person, or Jesus shall be happy with what you did, and your calmness and peace will remain with you when you open your eyes.

9. The next time you recall the incident, It won’t be the same experience. You can now relate the event without undergoing the same experience.

If we were able to forgive others for hurting us, please try to forgive yourself, too. Sometimes, we’re too hard on ourselves that we expected too much. When we fail, we got too embarrassed with our failure. We cannot accept our limitations and blame ourselves for our failure, not recognizing the fact that we did our best, that there were other things that happened beyond our control. Hence, it’s very important to forgive others and ourselves before we go to sleep every night to unload excess baggage.

By forgiving others and ourselves, unwanted memories will be replaced. Forgiveness can bring us peace, happiness and health.

Forgive. Move on. Be happy and Enjoy Life!

Tags

Enjoy Life, Forgiveness, Heal, Move On, Painful Memories, Simple Trick

Meet the author

author avatar Smileworld
A mother, on-line writer, blogger and a community development worker.

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Comments

author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
1st Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for sharing, Smileworld. I readily forgive those who hurt me as I have a take it is their karma and I have nothing to do with the way they behave. Forgetting does not come easy however. But I tell myself - never punish myself for others' doings and just get going looking ahead - siva

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author avatar Smileworld
1st Oct 2014 (#)

You're very lucky to have a forgiving heart. NOT everyone possess that virtue. Of course, we cannot forget what happened in the past because it's a part of our lives. What is important however is, we won't be affected by mere recall of the events and we were able to move on. Anyway, charge them to experience and we learn something of them.

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author avatar kant123
1st Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for sharing "Tricks" for healing of painful memories. I believe some of painful memories can no be healed but TIME has power to heal all pains what we experienced during our life. Better to forgot all painful memories and embarrassments and move forward..

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author avatar Smileworld
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

Indeed, Time has the power to heal. If added with forgiveness and prayer, it can do much. But, , the most important things is we were able to manage our past pains without affecting our present and future behavior and we were able to move on to the direction we want. Thanks for your comment, kant123.

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author avatar Deepizzaguy
1st Oct 2014 (#)

Thank you very much Smileworld for your suggestion. My late mom would call anyone who made her upset the term "Poor Devils". I am battling bitterness that a Hollywood actor who I will not mention by name tweeted me back the statement "How you could live with yourself" after I tweeted on Yahoo his Iron Man stunk. I tweeted back to him take what I said with a giant grain of salt. I later laughed at his stupid comment since his son recently was arrested for drug possession. I hope that poor devil will think twice before he points his Iron Man on me again.

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author avatar Smileworld
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for sharing your experience, Deepizzaguy. I still believe in "Karma" and everyone will reap what he sow.

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author avatar snerfu
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

Truly meditation can heal and one only has to try. Great thoughts there Smileworld. Good going.

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author avatar Smileworld
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

Yes, you are right there, snerfu. Meditation is also a very effective way of healing and enriching our spiritual life. I have tried it and it is very beneficial.

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author avatar Retired
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

What an insightful and compassionate sharing. May it prove helpful to those who have not yet worked through a painful past. Warm welcome to Wikinut, smileworld. Nice to see another new Wikinutter with spiritual perspectives... :-)

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author avatar Smileworld
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

I'm touched by your message rama. Thanks so much! Helping others through my articles is one of my goals why I am here. I am not a writer by profession but, I am trying my best . . .

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

For not being a writer by profession, you are doing very well. The first part of your article was something I would have expected from Marilyn Davis (she is on here; follow/friend her if you haven't already). The 2nd part was well done, too. Thank you for sharing!

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author avatar Smileworld
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks, Phyl, for the encouragement, appreciation and for introducing Marilyn to me. As I read the articles, here, I am also learning some styles.

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