Addiction

Author G D Grace By Author G D Grace, 2nd May 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Addiction

Addiction is one of the worst monkey's you could ever have on your back; I chronicle my experiences as a writer in hopes of inspiring another person to get help -- to let them know that it doesn't have to be a fatal diagnosis.

The Washed Up Pimp

I met him a few years back, compliments of a then friend who re-introduced me to the big bad white queen known as cocaine. The earlier years in addiction were fun, because I seemed to be able to control my usage; however, as the decades past I found myself incapable of regulating the amount I used. These times would eventually become some of the darkest moments in my life.
The night's of frolicking with cocaine and alcohol started getting longer gradually. The friend who had introduced me to this frail, thin, former pimp fell to the waist-side once I discovered that he was using me to get more of the cocaine for himself. This revelation quickly eliminated him from life, and with him out of the way, I was prime pickings for the former pimp who was also a low-level drug dealer.
I remember the night that I called him and asked him if I could come over and visit. He nearly jumped through the phone and pulled me into the small room he was renting for a little bit of nothing from a woman who was on housing. It was until the later years that I found out that they were an item -- purely sexual on his part, because she really had no interest in having sex.
Driving over to the old five-bedroom home that night, I was dressed pretty sharp in one of the ensembles I had purchased during a freak shopping spree. When I rang the doorbell, he answered the door with a smug bottom-dweller grin which I grew accustomed to during our nightly indulgences doing snorting cocaine. During those early visits I was given a "deal" -- 2 for 1 quarters, which came in a small rectangular piece of paper -- usually folded with old magazine pages.
Over time, my appetite for the drug grew. About 10 years into my usage I had accumulated a 26 year career at a high profiled fortune 500 company. By this time I had become utterly reckless with money and irresponsible with paying my bills. Every part of my life suffered -- my car was running rough and I would make the hour long commute to work with the engine light on. It was during the time when gas had reached $5 a gallon in the Bay Area.
The excessive spending on drugs and alcohol took it's toll on my finances, and a month before I retired from my job, I experienced my first automobile repossession, but I had it all figured out in my head. I would purchase a new car with the money I received from my buy out with the company I worked for. I received a six-figure buy out that included a year's salary and my pension.
It didn't take long for me to squander all the money I had. The one life saver was that I purchased a brand new car cash, therefore, I didn't have any monthly car payments. Looking back on it now, it was the only smart move I made. Little by little things started deteriorating. I lost my 2 bedroom cottage, and started renting rooms for people I didn't know.
Eventually, I couldn't even afford the rent for a room, and eventually wound up getting evicted. Mind you, I had secured a great job with benefits and a huge salary. There was a brief period of abstinence during this time, because prior to getting the high paying job, I got a job as a warehouse worker, so I had to clean myself up in order to pass the drug test for that job.
I did very well at the warehouse job I had gotten, and I was happy and drug free, but once I landed that high paying job, I re-entered the cocaine arena, and all hell broke loose. The former pimp who had all but abandoned me once the post retirement money ran out instantly be-friended me again. I would spend upwards of $2000 every two-weeks on cocaine.
By the time a year passed, the wreckage of bad decision making eventually caught up with me and I was given a warning for my poor job performance. After nights of asking die, I eventually had enough. By this time, the former pimp had all but abandoned any remnants of the false friendship he pretended to have with me. In the end, it was all about the money. Every pay day I received calls from him asking when I would arrive at his house to pay of the credit I had accrued.
I was in a mentally dark place without any hope, but somewhere deep inside I reached out for help and checked myself into an outpatient treatment center. I was involuntarily admitted and coded 51/50. I had become a danger to myself; and looking back on it all I do believe that had I night made that 5am drive to the hospital, I would be dead today.
After spending a couple of months in treatment, I managed to maintain daily sobriety. The pimp desperately tried to contact me, but I refused to take any of his calls. In his desperation, he showed up at my aunt's home and told her that I had stolen $2400 from him -- which was a lie. By that time her relationship and mine was estranged. I haven't been to the Urban city I grew up in for well over 10 months, and I haven't had contact with either of them.
I am ten months into my recovery, free of substance abuse. Having been diagnosed with a Bipolar 2 disease, I am now on medicine I should have been on years ago. All those years. All those mistakes. All those bad decisions. They all seem like a bad dream. My clean up didn't come fast enough, and I lost my high paying job 2 months after returning from disability.
But money isn't everything. If anything, money can be a bad thing when you're not right mentally. Luckily I fixed my homeless problem by entering into a Sober Living Environment in a beautiful Bay Area Community. I attend meetings regularly, and even secretary a meeting. I am currently on my fourth step of Alcoholics' Anonymous and have built a thriving radio show on the internet; interviewing Grammy Winners, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Inductees, Filmmakers, and talents from all over the world.
Even though the odds were against me, I managed to get to the root of my unhappiness, and I participate daily in my life. My life is filled with a lot of joy. I am closer to my family, and I am an inspiration for others. I stay away from slippery slopes, and sick people -- because, you see, addicts/alcoholics are sick people.
The washed up pimp that seemed to have such a hold on my life for many years is no longer a threat, and I am living a wonderful life. I say this to anyone still using drugs and alcohol every day; get away from the people you are hanging with; seek help for any mental condition you have, because there is hope, and do get into a good recovery program. There is life after addiction.

Tags

Alcohol, Alcoholism, Cocaine, Dualdiagnosis, Recovery

Meet the author

author avatar Author G D Grace
Author D. Grace, who resides in Northern California, is a 5x’s self-published author whose literary works include, “Knights of Deception”, “Ripped & Ready” Seasons 1, 2, & 3, and “Dragged.

He is curr

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