Dealing With A Liar

Janelle Coulton By Janelle Coulton, 5th Mar 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Self Help

Most of us have been on the receiving end of a lie and most of us have been betrayed more than once. It’s a sad fact of life when you have to investigate everyone with a microscope before you trust them. Or is that simply cynicism on my part?

When Someone Close To You Lies

I have emails from people on a regular basis who ask me how they should be dealing with people who lie. Worse than that is being lied to by someone close to you or even worse than that is a lie from someone you are in love with. Nothing really compares to the sudden realization that you’ve been lied to by someone you trusted. The loss of the trust alone is enough to cause you serious pause.

If you are married or in a long term committed relationship it can cut like a knife. It is quite likely that this is the worst feeling, coming close to losing someone you love and in a way you have. You will never feel the same way about them again, no matter what they do. When this happens your relationship is forever changed and the trust is eroded and destroyed. Not trusting your partner or friends shatters the very foundation which you build upon. The innocence is gone; and you have a constant feeling of doom in your gut.

It is not rare to find yourself thinking what you could have done differently. People blame themselves when in reality the lie had very little to do with them. Keep in mind that when you deal with deceitful people you need to remember to keep one thing in mind. It is not you, it’s them. We all have issues, but this flaw is the worst.

For example: when a drinker drinks you know it and they cannot drink all day and all night. When a gambler goes out to gamble; you know it too, for gambler cannot gamble every second of everyday. But when you deal with liars, anything they say could be a lie. You simply do not know when they are lying or not.

Inside of a relationship it is one of the toughest, uphill battles you will ever face and since we are only human, you really need to decide whether you will ride it out and give the person a second chance or let them go. Walking away from someone who does not deserve your trust is not easy when you are in love with the person; but sometimes you may save yourself a lot of grief in the future. Regaining trust is an uphill battle, and it’s doubtful that once you’ve been lied to by this person that they won’t do it again. You will feel like this person is your enemy.

If you choose to battle this out and try to salvage your relationship with this person; you will need super powers. And if your loved one is not going to fight to regain your trust, then it is probably better to let them go. This may sound harsh; but it’s the reality of living or being involved with a liar.

That’s not to say that people don’t make awful mistakes and are not sorry for their actions. If they seem like they would do anything to rebuild what was lost, then you may want to take the chance. If the person is a serial mistake maker; then salvaging this relationship may not be such a great idea. Some people make mistakes over and over, and never learn their lesson. But if you are successful in rebuilding the trust then you may end up with an even stronger union.

If you do take the chance and you start to feel that awful feeling in your gut that something is not right; your first response is usually the correct one. If you don’t feel you can trust them, then ask yourself this: Do you love you first and foremost and if this is so, then you need to walk away.

Dealing with betrayal is not easy, but what should come easy is knowing when to pull the plug. People don’t want to fail; especially in their personal relationships. You may walk away from this relationship, but when you walk out on a liar, have you really failed?




Visit Janelle Coulton's Freelance Writing Site to read more




Photo Credit: Copyright 2010; Janelle Coulton


Copyright © 2013 Janelle Coulton

Tags

Advice, Dishonesty, Integrity, Liars, Relationships, Self Esteem, Self Help

Meet the author

author avatar Janelle Coulton
Writing & drawing are my first loves. I draw animals, mostly horses. I am working on many projects. I have an Ebay, Etsy and Facebook account where I plan to sell my work.

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Comments

author avatar Retired
9th Mar 2013 (#)

Another great article, Janelle. I lived with a liar for 15 years and worse is he made me look like the liar. You're right though that we need to know whether to keep forgiving them or knowing when to walk away.

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author avatar Janelle Coulton
13th Mar 2013 (#)

Thanks for reading. I lived with one for six years and recently he ran off with another woman. So much for trying to be honest and regain my trust. Jel

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
21st Mar 2013 (#)

Well mine ran off after 13 years of marriage and took the house to pay his gambling debts.
Given you his email and could pass you the phone number too, he is in Australia.

Well I just let him tell his lies and told him if that is what you want me to believe and then asked him to substantiate it with proof. He had none and I had all in pictures and in writing too including videos so now he is shitting bricks and sitting quiet without a squeak.

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