Forgiveness - A Path to Personal Healing

Lucy Jones By Lucy Jones, 20th Sep 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Positive Thinking

We're not always good at forgiving other people are we. But did you know that we are not really very good at self forgiveness either. Self forgiveness is one of the first steps in getting an inner balance. This article expresses some insights in the art of self forgiveness and obtaining inner peace.

Remorse and Lack of Forgiveness

In a process to inner peace and recovery, both guilt and forgiveness of yourself and others have a very deep impact on this procedure. Guilt is identified as a feeling of responsibility especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy, a self reproach and forgiveness as the act of forgiving or to stop the feeling of bitterness towards another.

Remorse and lack of forgiveness of ones self and other people, burdens many individuals with the heavy weight of inappropriate disgrace and also the destruction of deep resentments. In recent years, much has been written about how destructive repressed emotions are, especially anger and resentment in triggering life threatening health problems.

The assumption that feeling emotions indicates we are weak, is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling emotion or denying those feelings is tantamount to creating illness. Beliefs for example 'big boys do not cry' and 'good girls don't get angry' has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel.

Depression for example, is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of a need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings. Many other illnesses and particularly addictions are assumed to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.

Why Can't We Forgive?

Why can't we forgive? Most likely this starts from our unwillingness or lack of ability to forgive ourselves. We believe that we're undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, admiration, and also the right to live a life where we are at peace, joyful, harmonious and have abundance. Somewhere along the line, we began to think that all the rules and regulations from the society by which we live, defined who we were supposed to be.

Did We Stop Believing in Ourselves?

We quit trusting and believing in our personal values and came to believe that we were inadequate. For example 'you failed' or 'you should do' became an 'excuse' for us to abuse ourselves with guilt. Yes abuse because it's just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us.

We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived, although often imaginary offenses. When key caregivers such as parents, teachers, along with other social influences are not able to love themselves unconditionally, this attitude taught and learned, is passed on to the next generation as disgrace in an attempt to control behavior.

Do You Feel Good Enough?

This sense of shame differs from guilt because guilt is all about behavior. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It's about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable turn out to be the conviction underlying your life.

Children grow up believing they're 'not good enough' and become the parents or teachers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on. No one is blaming the mother, father or other forms of caregivers here, as we can only parent and teach the way we were parented and taught.

What Is Self forgiveness?

Self forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are valuable and worthy, that there are no mistakes but rather, you are on the planet to learn about becoming human. The opportunities to learn are just that - they are not mistakes - just opportunities to learn.

Practical Steps to Self forgiveness

1. Examine how you perceived a particular scenario and how you are able to choose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create our emotions, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations from the scenario.

2. Accept yourself and the fact that you are human - you aren't supposed to be perfect.

3. Admit it when you make a mistake.

4. Remember that everybody is doing the very best they can with what they know and that includes you.

5. Let go of past or future thinking, stay in the ‘Now'.

6. Confront your emotional pain - your personal ‘stuff.’

7. Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.

8. Say 'I forgive myself for forever' and mean it. Write it down and hang it on the fridge, so you wont forget and fall back into 'the' habit.


Forgive, Forgiveness, Forgiving, Guilt, Inner Healing, Inner Peace, Self Help

Meet the author

author avatar Lucy Jones
Lucy Jones is retired living in Central Europe. Life isn't as hectic as it was in the busy, sometimes stressful corporate life. But still passionate about living a healthy and fit life - without being a fanatic.
Curiosity for the Internet, writing, n...(more)

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
21st Sep 2010 (#)

Very true, we must be able to forgive ourselves, but sometimes this is not so easy to do.

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author avatar Lucy Jones
21st Sep 2010 (#)

No it isn't Mark. But if people could get their mind around forgiving themselves for 'whatever' the results are actually amazing. Unfortunately many of us believe that we're not worthy of forgiveness. It's a very good road to take if you're troubled with a past situation, an incident - whatever. One of the first steps to inner peace of mind is forgiving yourself first and foremost. The rest actually does come naturally.

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