How to Deal With and Even Embrace Change

Rhonda Humphreys By Rhonda Humphreys, 31st Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Work Issues & Stress

A true story of how to deal with and even embrace change

I never worked for the money

At an early age I was always intrigued with the thought of working. I was brought up in an era that it didn’t matter how much money you were paid, you put forth 100% effort or better. Every job I ever had was working with people in some form or another. At a young age it was babysitting then I went into service areas such as restaurants, home health aide, bartending, direct sales and also retail.
I think part of the reason I chose to work in people oriented jobs was that I love meeting people and the whole interaction thing. In most people businesses there is something different every day. So that too was something I enjoyed.

Fast forward to April 2012 when I lost my job as the store manager in a big box retailer.

The thought had never crossed my mind that it was a possibility. Even though there was a new CEO and everyone else at the top. I was excited at the prospect of all the new changes that the new people would bring. Change has always excited me. To me it is like meeting a new friend. And when you work in retail there is always change and something new that is going on.
So this would be another change. What I didn’t realize is this would be the biggest change of my life to learn to accept. But I love change right?? Well, maybe not all change. First I needed to figure out how to deal with all the feelings losing your job brings. The best thing I can tell you on how to deal with them is to take them as they come. I am still discovering feelings four months later and I thought I was getting over the whole devastation of being fired. Well, maybe not completely but better anyway.

Changes I can accept

One of the first changes I had to get used to was being able to sleep in. That shouldn’t be hard right?? Well for me it was kind of like being on vacation. The first couple of days you get up at normal time and by the end of your vacation you are sleeping in late. So that by the time you are ready to go back to work you have to get used to getting up early again. But this didn’t happen for me. The “vacation” didn’t end. So I continue to sleep in every day which means I stay up till all hours of the night. Why? Because I can? To be honest I’m not really sure why this happens. I have always been one to wake up before my alarm went off at 5am. Now I am up sometimes until then. I think in part my mind won’t let me sleep. My husband has always been an early to bed early to rise person. So I think this is my time my mind is using to reflect?
Having time with my family again is a change that I am embracing. This has been a blessing in disguise. I was so involved in my job that I truly feel like I neglected my family. People in my life tried to tell me that I would have to find something to get me out of the house because I was too young to “do nothing” and since my husband was retired that he would drive me nuts. The cool thing is our relationship was built on love and friendship. He is my best friend. Yes, there are days that he gets on my nerves just as I KNOW there are days I get on his. But what friend doesn’t. We have never been fighters. We don’t argue. So it has been wonderful to be able to just spend time together. We have a lot of the same interests. So this is a change I really like.
One of the other changes I am trying to get used to is having time to myself again. Though when I was working I did have paid time off, typically I never used it all. You see I had a business to run and it always seemed that there was too much that I had to do to take all my time off. Even when I did have time off my mind was still at work or I brought work home. And if for some reason I wasn’t thinking about work someone was calling me from the store. So now, I have time for me. So this is something really new. It has been 25 years since I have had time to do the things that I like to do. Though it would take me sometime to remember what interests that I had outside of work, I would soon re find my love for photography, writing and cooking. For the first time in 25 years I have tan lines and have been swimming more than once or twice in the summer. I have always had a great love for outdoors but in the past years the only outdoors I really saw was the walk to and from my car on my way to or from work. So again, these changes are all ones that I can get used to again.

Changes I am struggling with

A change that I am still dealing with and quite possibly might deal with the rest of my life is that I am no longer the boss. In my last three jobs and since I as 21 years old I was the boss. Everyone answered to me. I got used to things going my way. But in life this is not the way it is. And in marriage, or a relationship if you want to live happily ever after this is not the way it is. I have been happily married almost 28 years and this quite certainly is not how it has been in our marriage. Marriage is a give and take. You’ve got to choose your battles so to speak. So, finding my role back as “just” a wife has been a change that I am still getting used to. I am reminded quite often that I am not the boss here. But honestly, this has been a challenge for me to get used to. I think part of the reason I struggle with getting used to it is a control issue. When you are used to making all of the decisions and are responsible for them you have total control. You also are completely responsible for the outcome of those decisions. So you ensure that the decisions you make are solid so that when or if the outcome does not work out you know you made the best decision possible. There is no one else to blame.
Not having my”own” money is a change I don’t know if I’ll be able to accept. Though, in my marriage it has always been “what’s mine is mine” and “what’s his is ours”. I don’t like not having mine. Not because I’m a selfish person. I think if you were to ask my husband he would be the first to tell you that I am the least selfish person especially when it comes to money. Money has never really driven me. So much so I never have cash in my wallet. The problem with that is, I won’t go to the bank and get money if I don’t have any because I feel like it is not mine. I also won’t ask for money because I don’t feel I should have to. So most of the time I go without. However I do have a debit card at all times. Not having my own money is one change that I am not embracing.
Being the passenger is another change I’m not sure I like either. I started driving when I was just 14. My Mom used to let me practice with her in the car so that when I took drivers training I would be ready. I had my first car before I even had my license. I used to sit in the driveway and listen to the radio for hours. When I did get my license and I went out with my friends I drove a lot of the time. I’ve worked since I was just 14. So as soon as I was able I drove myself to and from work. So now to be a passenger (or back seat driver-more like) has been hard to get used to. I think in part this too is an independence thing. When I was working I really looked forward to letting someone else drive. I was always too tired and this was my chance to possibly catch a catnap. So this is another change that I think I am going to have to work on.

My learning’s on accepting change

My learning’s on accepting change
The first thing to know about change is you can’t stop it from happening. This why it is called change. Once you realize this and learn to accept it change is not all that difficult. The biggest challenge with accepting change is being able to wrap your mind around it. If you think about everyday life your whole day is filled with change. You may not recognize the changes around you happening because they may be just slight changes. Think about your day today and then think about things that were different. Obviously small changes don’t affect us the way a big change does like losing your job or someone dying. But they are all changes just the same. And we make it through them. It’s all in how you look at it.
The more that you fight change the harder it is on you. In my experience when there is a really big change the affects everything in your everyday life you need to take your time and break the change down. What thing can you live with? What changes can’t you accept? And what changes are for the best? I’m not trying to say that this is an easy feat. Don’t get me wrong change will still be difficult. But it is much easier to accept that it has happened especially if you can change it back. The quicker you can accept the change the quicker you will be able to move forward.
Realize too that everyone is different. There are things that may bother you more than it would bother the next guy. But the sooner you figure that out the better you will be.
The biggest thing that I’ve learned from this devastating change in my life is it happened, I am dealing with it and I lived through it. And that you can change CHANGE.

Tags

Accept, Change, Embrace, Fired, Learning, Loss, Manager, Marriage, Relationships, Struggle

Meet the author

author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
I dabble in writing and photography. My writings lean towards self help or special interest. I use humor to get me through life!
You can also find me on Hubpages
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Comments

author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
1st Sep 2012 (#)

Sometimes something that seems like a negative can ripple into a positive.

I would love to have you join my positive article challenge, no prizes it is just to get people to write positive articles - click my profile to see the article and topic titles.

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author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
1st Sep 2012 (#)

Thank you Mark. I did read your article and all of the topics. I couldn't decide what one to pick. I will go back and look again.:)
Thank you for your encouragment!!

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author avatar Katherine Johnson
2nd Sep 2012 (#)

Interesting article, you have the same problems that I am having right now.

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author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
2nd Sep 2012 (#)

Thank you Katherine. I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. I can tell you that its tough. It will get better. It just takes time.

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author avatar Md Rezaul Karim
5th Sep 2012 (#)

Great advisory article. Thanks for sharing.

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author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
6th Sep 2012 (#)

thank you for reading MD Rezaul Karim

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author avatar johnnydod
6th Sep 2012 (#)

This is great Rhonda and you stepped up to the mark.

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author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
7th Sep 2012 (#)

Thank you Johnny

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author avatar Shaunak
7th Sep 2012 (#)

Nice Advice, Remember Change is the only Constant!

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author avatar Shaunak
7th Sep 2012 (#)

Nice Advice, Remember Change is the only Constant!

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author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
7th Sep 2012 (#)

Shaunak,nice advice. Thank you for your comment

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author avatar Teila
11th Oct 2012 (#)

Excellent topic! Well written

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author avatar Rhonda Humphreys
14th Oct 2012 (#)

Teila-thank you.

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