How to Stop Stirring the Pot and Prolonging Fights

Mark Gordon BrownStarred Page By Mark Gordon Brown, 27th Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/e4huserl/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Self Help

Do you feel like a victim over and over? Perhaps bullies are attacking you and you are not able to let it go, but this only gives them fuel for their fire. Although there is no excuse for bullying, if you are provoking them by stirring the pot, you should not complain if they come after you again and again.

Stirring the Pot

We all face conflict with other people in our lives. Perhaps with a classmate, family member, co-worker, or neighbor. How we deal with that conflict makes all the difference in the world.

Being bullied is never enjoyable and there is no excuse for anyone who is a bully, however defending one's self and stirring the pot are two different things.

Defending yourself is when you are directly in the line of fire, fighting back then, and then dropping it. Stirring the pot is when you bring something up over and over and over, and do not let it drop.

Often people think they are simply defending themselves; a person who has been “attacked” may feel defensive for a long time afterwards and may feel a long lasting need to vindicate themselves, however all they end up doing is prolonging the assault.

Defending yourself against a bully is important, however giving the bully the invitation to attack, then claiming yourself as a victim is not the same thing!

Why Do People Stir the Pot?

Sometimes these people will bring up an old issue right out of the blue. They have not realized that their subconscious is craving attention, even negative attention, and so they stir the pot once again to bring on an attack.

They may even enjoy (on a deeper level) the confrontation, and being able to feel like a victim. Some people who as children got a lot of attention for being hurt, or being scared, or whatever, have a desire to play the victim role later in life.

If you are a person who frequently finds yourself as a victim, ask yourself, “Am I bringing this about on myself?”. Chances are you are not doing so consciously, but like a dog who barks for attention, you have simply learned this pattern without even being aware.

Remember it takes two to fight.

People who want to be truly empowered need to move beyond these negative emotions and trappings.

Of course a person should try to settle a fight when one is occurring, but they should try not to repeatedly act in a way to start another fight or drag one along. Sometimes people have to agree to disagree, move on, and get on with life.

If a subject upsets you, then stay away from it!

For the Benefit of all Wikinutters

Petty fighting should not be a part of writing.

On paid to write sites, such as Wikinut, writing about petty personal issues looks unprofessional, and turns paying advertisers right off!

You do not attract a lot of views when you write articles about petty issues, and it ultimately may drag you down emotionally, and financially when advertisers move away from the site.

It would be better to focus on positive articles, or factual ones, things that attract positive energy, not things that kill it.

It is time to bury the hatchet and get back to professional writing!

We need to build each other up, not insult each other, we need to put more positive energy out for the world, not bleed it dry with negativity.

Ignore, or delete, comments that are not related to your article, and move on.

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Tags

Attacks, Bullies, Bully, Bullying, End, Fight, Fights, How To, Pot, Prevent, Provoke, Reasons, Society, Stir, Stirring, Stop, Victim, Why, Wikinut

Meet the author

author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
Raised in Michigan, I have a son who recently joined the Military. I am living in Canada with my wife where we have a hobby farm.

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Comments

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
27th Aug 2012 (#)

I have to agree with what you say in this one. I have been through hell and back to life again because of this attitude of people.
Had my tenant sell my house for giving them amenities and for peace, I gave the house to them but the law didn't see it that way.
Lost my job for someone's mistake, got a blame and took it in my stride. Until the day I saw it was all coming back to bite me and I rounded the lot of them and gave them to the lawyer to handle and monitored the happenings from a distance.
At times people do it to satisfy their ego, to earn respect, to gain love or just attention and sadly, people respond to them the similar way and make it a huge raging fire that can never be put out until intervention takes place....
Sometimes the mature one just turns around and walks away for peace only to find that fighting back is the only thing that remains to salvage their last bit of sanity that remains.

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author avatar johnnydod
27th Aug 2012 (#)

I hope a lot of people read this very important piece, life is complicated enough without added hurtful comments from anyone.
We all have the ability to delete unwanted comments from our pages, and this is just what you should do. Wikinut is a great writing site let’s make it not just great but the best.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
28th Aug 2012 (#)

We need different takes, but on give and take basis. Variety is the spice of life. No personal attacks should be tolerated. We badly need positive vibes to survive each day! I hardly get negative comments but when I get one, I politely say everyone is entitled to their opinion and it is for others to judge. On a lighter note, one boss went about saying "all are entiltled to my opinion"! He used to add - you all come up with ideas and it is my opinion that will prevail! People are different and we also become different every five years or so! Live and let live - siva

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
28th Aug 2012 (#)

Mark Gordon:
Maybe you might "stir the pot" if you were given a death threat, and abused with vile language.
And I mean currently, and without provocation. I don't need to stir the bloody pot, this is happening to me almost on a daily basis. Maybe you should target those who are doing this and not the receiver. I am on my own and therefore I am the easiest to blame.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
28th Aug 2012 (#)

Siva is right, we should all be free to share our opinions, if it pisses somebody off then that is really their problem, however attacking another person, or insulting them, is another matter.

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author avatar deepa venkitesh
2nd Sep 2012 (#)

oh dear, a lot has happened since I went away, sigh. anyways, as regards your article, I am even now living with a negative family member. I used to cry at first, i still do sometimes when provoked. Now, I am stronger and have the guts to avoid such arguments. It has worked so magically for me(touchwood). Thanks Mark, you voice my opinions.

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
3rd Sep 2012 (#)

You need to find out what it is like to be abused and insulted without provocation, while the moderators allow it to continue. Read Peter's recent page and the other modrators might learn something. [

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
3rd Sep 2012 (#)

deepa, yes avoiding the negative person is best, getting into a fight with them only makes them stronger, most negative people enjoy the fights - although they may claim not to. It is simply what they have learned to do and the way they are most comfortable.

Sadly the fact is that they were probably raised wrong, or had something cause them to be negative, but cannot get out of their own trap.

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
3rd Sep 2012 (#)

.......retribution. 'Death threats and addressing me over and over again in a disgusting way by Jerry Walch and cnwriter's
referral to my illness in a cruel and hateful manner is not going to be ignored.
I commend PETER GIBLETT for being the only moderator to recognize and address this serious infringement of community guidelines.

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author avatar Md Rezaul Karim
3rd Sep 2012 (#)

What's up!!
When we are well and flying-
When our muscles and strengths-
Walking and doing -
Moving like the military boots-
Squashing everything down-
Pasting and dashing aside the innocent plant and lives-
Your mouth and fingers run fluent-
Least bothering what you are saying-
Out of rage and wrath-
Damning the condemners-
Arrogant and dashing like-
Mr. Bush or Asad-
CIA or KGB.
Time will come -
When the raging sun will down-
Do you care then-
All will do the same again -
May be you will be the victim-
Crying in the rain!

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
3rd Sep 2012 (#)

Steve's pages are mostly factual. He is trying to "save the world" by pointing out some terrible things - do not blame the messenger for spreading the message.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
3rd Sep 2012 (#)

I tried to help.. really I did, even this page was meant to help settle things, and I put forth a positive article challenge to all writers.

When things happen in real life - with a person standing in front of you - that is abuse, but words on the internet should not be taken so seriously, you were only a victim if you allow it to be that way, if you ignored their comments - how could they hurt you?

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
4th Sep 2012 (#)

Would you mind if your wife was called the names I was called. If she had leukemia, would you like her to be told she brought it on herself. Written words are libel. I intend to pursue my complaint with Reputation,com. Death threats were also used. How would you like to be called a "homosexual bastard" Mark Gordon. It's O.K., just ignore it!

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
4th Sep 2012 (#)

My wife would not care. And as far as leukemia goes, last August her father died of leukemia, if my wife did too, and somebody told her via the Internet that she brought it about on her self.. she would not care either. In fact when chat room fights occurred in a chat room we use to go to - she intentionally set her self in the middle so people would attack her, not others, and she never once cared, in fact often times the attackers mellowed over time.

It would bother me that she was called a name, but she would not care. In real life it is different, but she is brilliant at handling on line issues with an air of dignity and separation. As she says it "Personal attacks are minor compared to the bigger problems in the world.".

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
4th Sep 2012 (#)

Once again, you miss the point, Mark Gordon. If I handed you a piece if paper and it read that you had been called 'a miserable little toad', then you threw it away, maybe you could ignore it. However, if you were called 'a miserable little toad' on Wikinut, then how would you feel about it when it is broadcast to hundreds of readers.. I am not calling you a miserable little toad, I am asking how you would feel if it was read by everyone on Wikinut. (I know the laws of libel), I have had death threats and the most offensive comments made to me on Wikinut.
I have had no support, only been accused of "stirring the pot". Insults are made to me currently, the pot does not need stirring. You are stirring it by writing this page.
Also, you talk about your experiences on a Chat Line where your wife has invited insults and abuse. Invariably, aliases are used on Chat Lines, if not then you are conditioned to being insulted and abused. I am not. I was raised and educated whereby that kind of interaction is not acceptable. Maybe you should be aware that to invite and enjoy verbal flagellation on oneself could be considered to be a mental disorder.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
11th Jan 2013 (#)

Ivy, people who believe everything they read on the internet, such as a comment that you are a toad, are fools. If somebody wants to call me a toad here, fine..

Libel would not apply here legally either, calling somebody a name as such is not ground for Libel. Libel would be if they said something concrete, such like you had been caught stealing money from your employer.

I personally see no reason to be mean to others just for the sake of being mean. I wish people would let go of negative fights.. and work towards positive solutions.

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