Man Up!

aking1614 By aking1614, 11th Jun 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1jmhhzsv/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Self Help

Man Up (v); Be strong; Take control, take control of a (the) situation, rise to the moment ; To work through impediments and obstacles without whining. Derived from the phrase “cowboy up”, meaning “be tough, be strong, act like a real cowboy”, which was in use in rodeo circles at least since the mid-1970’s. “Man up” means, similarly, “be tough, be a man, do what a man should do.”

This article takes a look at some individuals who need to man up.

You Can't Circumvent Your Problems

As the Minister of Music at my church, I generally have a meeting with my Pastor once a month to talk about the direction the music department is headed in, and to address any concerns either of us may have. My most recent meeting proved somewhat disturbing to me. There had been a couple of choir members who had come to the Pastor to complain that they had been treated unfairly, either by me personally or by someone on my staff.

Of course I was asked if either of the individuals had approached me about said problems. After all, it is my job to be the first person of contact regarding anything in the area of performing arts within the church. My Pastor will be the first to tell you that he doesn’t know anything about music, and then he will proceed to direct you back to me. My Pastor also knows, as anyone who really knows me knows, that I am willing to talk to and work with anyone. But yet my answer to his question was, “No, Pastor. As usual no one has said anything to me.”

Why is this so disturbing? There is a growing trend among people to try and circumvent and/or blame others for their problems. Some try to avoid their problems all together; perhaps hoping if they ignore them, they will go away. Others will take the problem, not to the source, but rather to a third (or fourth or fifth, etc.) party in an attempt to rally support for their side of the story. If they can paint the other individual in a bad enough light, they will gain the “sympathy vote” when the whole situation comes to a head. When are we, as adults, going to start facing our problems and start taking responsibility for our own actions and their consequences? When are we going to “man up”?

Let’s look at a few of the individuals who need to Man Up:

The Tattletale

This title would apply to the individuals described in my earlier scenario. “You’ve been bad and I’m gonna tell mommy and daddy. You’re gonna get in big trouble!” Are you serious? What are you, five years old? These people have never learned to resolve conflict in an adult manner; or they are simply cowards looking for someone to stand up to the bully for them. And the more people they can tattle to, the better. They hope they will eventually find someone who will take the offending individual down a peg or two. I have a piece of advice: How about you confront the individual yourself in regard to their “bad behavior”? Let them know they have hurt or offended you in some way. This person may not even be aware that you feel this way. Before you go and get your big brother or your gang to beat them up, Man Up!

The Wounded Child

Have you ever met someone who can trace every inappropriate/bad behavior; every misconception they have of life and/or relationships; every problem they’ve ever had; back to the way their parents treated them or they way they were brought up? I’m sorry, that only gets you so far with me. At some point (I hope), you moved out of your parents’ house and got a chance to interact with other people. At some point, you should have learned to make your own judgments and decisions. If you haven’t gotten over what your parents did or didn’t do; if you haven’t gotten out from under their influence by now, you should seek professional help. At any rate, try to figure out a way to get over it already! Man Up!

The Eternal Victim

Every failure, every missed opportunity, every problem you’ve ever had – all someone else’s fault. “I didn’t get the promotion because I’m a woman.” “The cop only pulled me over because of the color of my skin.” “I failed the test because the teacher didn’t explain things very well”. Now I am fully aware of the presence of the “good ‘ol boy network”, cronyism, racism, and poor teachers abound, but they are not always the problem. Sometimes you don’t get the promotion because someone else is better qualified. Sometimes the cop pulls you over because you were speeding or you ran the light. Sometimes the teacher doesn’t explain things because you and your classmates are too cool to ask questions, and she assumes everyone gets it. You can’t blame others for your shortcomings and certainly, you cannot blame others for your bad decisions. “I drink/do drugs because my spouse is treating me badly.” NEWS FLASH: You can always get out of the relationship! You know what they say; when you point the finger at someone else, there’s three other fingers pointing back at you. Man Up!

The Whiny Choir Member

I think that’s enough of a rant for now. To the choir members who think they are being treated unfairly by the choir director, I have a few questions:

Do you think that maybe, just maybe, you don’t get selected for the solo because you don’t have a great voice and you’re not doing anything to improve it? Perhaps you are not as faithful in coming to rehearsals as some other members? Perhaps you can’t be counted on to show up at selected services unless you are going to be the featured attraction – the star.

I am not in the habit of rewarding unfaithful, uncommitted, undedicated, self-serving people. You want to lead? Learn to follow and be a part of the team. And in the meantime, Man Up!

Tags

Adult, Childish Behavior, Eternal Victim, Responsibility, Tattletale, Whining, Wounded Child

Meet the author

author avatar aking1614
I am an engineer by trade, but a poet and songstress at heart. I started writing occasional articles online about five years ago, but poetry is still my first love.

find me on twitter@ashanpoetry

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Comments

author avatar deep blue
12th Jun 2010 (#)

Great insightful write. Keep up the good work.

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author avatar Val Mills
14th Jun 2010 (#)

I really enjoyed reading this. Isn't it amazing how people fit so easily into categories. Well done.

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author avatar satan fury
15th Jun 2010 (#)

Excellent article. I really enjoyed it. I know a lot of people in each of these categories.

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