My Confessions Of A Former Drug User

Bipolar Blogger By Bipolar Blogger, 4th Aug 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1ldwaknw/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Recovery & Coping

This is a very candid, open and honest reflection of my past struggle I have had for the majority of my adult life with various drugs.

My Confessions Of A Former Drug User

This post may be met with some objection I am sure, but facts are that what you will read are true and are about my personal history with drugs. I am neither proud nor am I ashamed of my past. I do not condone drugs for others yet I will not lie and say a part of me does not miss some of the recreational behavior I was involved in.

The Edge Of Good And Evil

I have always lived on the edge of good and evil, right and wrong. I do not know why really but if someone said "forbidden" I had to either challenge it or prove why it shouldn't be forbidden I guess. When I was 17yrs old I joined the U.S. Navy and was stationed in San Diego, CA. I did what always seemed natural and made friends with all the wrong people. Over time drinking became a bit of an issue and along with that I added drinking while taking pain pills. This never presented a problem until a night of depression where I drank maybe my 3rd pitcher of beer and downed half a bottle of pills. Fortunate for me all I ended up with was being wiped out physically for about 24hrs and left with a sick stomach.

LSD (Acid) : Overdose

During my naval period I found some friends to hang out with regularly at Mission Beach and Fiesta Island, 2 big party spots and discovered something my artistic side absolutely adored called acid. It comes in paper sheets and is about the size of tic tac when torn off the sheet. Each one has a drop of "acid" on it that causes you to hallucinate. You see crazy things, for me I was obsessed with watching my face melt while I looked in the mirror or I would draw pictures and watch them come to life or change shapes while I was drawing. Pretty crazy. One night I went out with some friends and I bought all of us a partial sheet of acid called "purple half smiling moon - double dropped" I gave everyone a tab and kept 4 for myself. I took 2 and then did not feel the effects fast enough so i took the other 2 making a total of 8 since they were double dropped. HUGE mistake! I was looking at my friend who was in the backseat of the car with me and he was turning red and had horns growing out of his head. We call this "tripping hard". Then the worst thing happened, I began to feel the effects of an overdose. My muscles started constricting and I was curled up in the backseat with my jaw locking open, literally I couldn't close it and my tongue being a muscle was constricting back into my throat and I was choking on it. Next I peed my pants because I had no control. Scariest drug moment of my life, I was fully aware of everything happening and could not stop it. My friends dragged me out of the car forcing me to stand and straighten my body while slapping me across the face repeatedly. I'm not sure why but it worked and after that I never did acid again.

Crystal Meth Here And There Socially

This brings us to crystal meth, after that experience I was still going to the beach to at least drink which in the sun is absolutely draining so a friend suggested snorting crystal meth. Me turn down something new? Never! I found myself staying up for 3 days straight, it was a life saver when tired. I was a cook working on a ship and worked alone during the night. I prepared all the breakfast for the morning shift and was responsible for starting many of the afternoon meals as well as keeping the kitchen spotless. Then when I would get off I would go to the bunk area to sleep and couldn't because the lights were on and people were down there talking or slamming lockers and me having insomnia issues couldn't sleep so back to the beach I went and subsequently bought more meth to carry me through the day as well as when I was working. Revolving circle of addiction and justification. I am 6'3" tall and my weight dropped down to 155lbs, I looked sick, my skin was yellowish and the back of my arms had a tint of green. My eyes were sunken in and my shoulder blades looked like machetes. people kept asking me if I was sick so one day i looked in the mirror (literally) and said to myself "you're dying". I stopped cold turkey.

Many years passed and I had been married and divorced and then in and out several relationships. In those relationships there were times where the party life was present and I did what I had always done, joined the party... Ecstasy, Cocaine, Marijuana (makes me sleep, hate it lol), Crystal Meth, Hash, Pain Pills and even Crack (strained cocaine and 5 times stronger). I always kept in my mind that these occurrences were social and never chased a need to do more. I was under control and truth is I was.

A Suicide Brings Me Back To Drugs

In 2004 someone close to me committed suicide. My world flipped upside down, I felt the worst guilt I have ever felt and went on a severely strong path of self destruction and punishment. At the time I was a taxi driver and selling anything you could ask for out of my cab (in Las Vegas this is not at all uncommon). Well I started doing what I was selling. meth and cocaine and drinking became my new security blankets. I got off work every night and went to the casino and played blackjack, I would drink about 20 Jack Daniels and Cokes a night to distract me from thinking of my friends death. If I went home to sleep I was having nightmares similar to the movie "The Butterfly Effect" where I kept trying to go back and save her and kept failing. This is why the meth and coke came in, I will come home fall on my face and have to be awake again in an hour. I would shower, brush my teeth and at this time now was smoking the meth because the visible effects were less, you weren't as twitchy and you sweat a lot less.

I managed to finally stop doing it and came to terms with the past. I later started working as a car salesman, great more druggies around me and before you knew it I was doing coke at work, it put a lot more hype into your sales pitch. Again it did not last and I stopped doing it.

Realtionship Issues, Low Self Worth, Feeling Defeated : My Old Friend Meth Visits Again

Then I got into another relationship that was hmm, unhealthy we will say, a lot of drama and head games and in the mix we started doing meth together. I got pretty deep into it, why? Because it blocked out the emotions I was feeling of helplessness in my relationship. It basically numbed me by making my head race so fast I didn't have time to feel. I wanted to stop but it was too hard because she always had some on her and she would do it in front of me. I would even ask her to not bring it but she would anyway and then offer it to me. I was always weak and accepted.

No Longer A Prisoner

Finally something great happened, she left town for a month. I cleaned up and when she returned I refused to see her and that ended her... and the meth. I am happy to say I have been drug free ever since.

I will end this with one phrase that everyone has heard "Say no to drugs" ... if you start using the word "no" becomes very very hard to say.

Arrested For Drugs

I would definitely encourage you to read the below story, again it is mine and all 100% true.

Arrested For Drugs Part I (True Story)

"Arrested For Drugs Part II"

"Arrested For Drugs Part III"

"Arrested For Drugs Part IV"

Arrested For Drugs Part V (Final Chapter)


PHOTO CREDITS :
http://photopin.com/search/crystal-meth
http://photopin.com/search/lsd
http://photopin.com/search/handcuffs
http://photopin.com/search/overdose

Tags

Addict, Addicted, Addiction, Addiction Recovery, Addictions, Addictive, Addictive Behavior, Addicts, Cocaine, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Addicts, Drugs, Illegal Drugs, Methamphetamine, Methamphetemine, Overdose

Meet the author

author avatar Bipolar Blogger
Husband/Wife team here. We write about a variety of topics, celebrities, movies, inspiration, crime, personal family photos.
I believe in leading by example and following rules.

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Comments

author avatar SpiritAztec
4th Aug 2013 (#)

Great article! You're a good man! It takes a strength greater than most people have to overcome addiction. And, from experience I have seen that the urge never goes away! Congrats on your past and present efforts - I also know it is a lifelong battle!

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
4th Aug 2013 (#)

I was a novice when it came to the way drugs were used until I went into University at age 21. It was out there that I was given a booklet about the various drugs and tips on how to overcome stalkers and date rape, I learnt the tricks and tips to perfection but hearing this from a former drug user is a great insight.
None the less, I do understand that drugs can spoil the brain, just curious, how did you overcome your drug taking??? This is something that I am curious about....
Had a friend who nearly walked out of her window on level 8 of the building I was staying at in the UK because of her drug and alcohol intake which she had mixed together.
Only saw shards of glass falling from the top and that was about it.
None the less, would love hear your way of overcoming drug abuse.

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author avatar Bipolar Blogger
4th Aug 2013 (#)

Lady Aiyanna honestly? I put myself as far away from the opportunity to get my hands on them as possible. Literally moved to another country. Married my wife and found something more important than myself and my urges. My wife and my newborn daughter. As I said earlier I still crave at times but I do not look for it, I control any urges because I know there are those who will pay a much greater price if I relapse,

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
4th Aug 2013 (#)

Thanks for the frank share to help others. I do hope you will stay out of drugs by just saying no. This ride is not worth the initial thrill that make people succumb to them - siva

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author avatar jenny1015
4th Aug 2013 (#)

No matter how dark the past was, there'a a reason to celebrate how you have become after all the storms that came by. Cheers!

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author avatar Connie McKinney
4th Aug 2013 (#)

Thanks for sharing such a personal story. I'm sure this will help a lot of people. It sounds like you are on the right path now and living a good life. Always remember: one day at a time.

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author avatar Connie McKinney
4th Aug 2013 (#)

Just one more thought: Your experiences would make a great book and would help even more people. Take care and God bless you.

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author avatar Randhir Bechoo
4th Aug 2013 (#)

Sharing such a personal experience will make others who are hooked on drugs find solutions.Your efforts to stray from drugs paid off so people involved in drugs should try the same approach.

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author avatar Trillionaire
5th Aug 2013 (#)

Very encouraging words to share, you never know who it will help. Thanks awesome article.

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author avatar Bipolar Blogger
5th Aug 2013 (#)

Well one thing to recognize is that simply not doing drugs does not mean you are not still addicted, You have to guard yourself mentally and emotionally for the "What if" moments.

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author avatar Jamesvansteel
24th Aug 2013 (#)

I appreciate your honesty and courage to write this article and found it very interesting and informative. I would ask that you change something if you don't mind though. You were not overdosing on LSD and were not even close, although it may have felt that way. The lethal threshold for LSD is much higher than 8 drops (about 1000 micrograms). It is actually upwards of 300,000 micrograms which is insanely more than any human has reportedly taken. Thanks again and keep writing!

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