Robb's Deposed Despot Dictator Ranch

Robb714 By Robb714, 24th Aug 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2h8lynlz/
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Health Clubs & Spas>Pampering

Sign up now and get one month free with a year of free camel lodging, limit one per customer. When no else wants your sorry carcass even your family or former allies, you are always welcome here.

We don’t take VISA

For obvious reasons like, we don’t want people to know you are here, might be bad for business and our personal freedom to name a couple. We have internet access so bring your Swiss account numbers, preferably some cash (USD or Euros) and gold if you have some handy or you can just tell us where you stashed it and we will fetch it up for you, for a small fee plus expenses, of course. Our reasonable rates (depending on the size bounty on your head) will accommodate your every need, just don’t get carried away. You can stay here, not run the place, that’s our job and if you are in need of our services, you obviously didn’t do very well at it yourself, just saying. If you do not follow our rules, you have two options, higher rates or we turn you over to The Hague. Otherwise, we feel you will fit in rather nicely here with the other animal dung (jkg). If you feel you can not afford our rates, based on your behavior or lack there of, might run out of ill gotten gains or have all your assets seized, no problem. Our owner is a writer and can help you with your memoirs, which are surely to bring in enough revenues to cover your expenses, especially if you have dirt on fellow despots still in power, that always boost sales. So if you have no where else to go, please consider us, your last resort (pun intended). You can contact us @RDDDRR on Twitter and request a color brochure with secret exit strategies. Remember, when you need a friend, we are costly but convenient.

Some rules to follow

This is very important information so pay close attention. You are not in charge anymore and we probably know more about you than you do yourself, so don’t try any hanky panky or like I mentioned earlier, The Hague and trust us, you do not want that. We here at RDDDRR are very easy to get along with and understand your needs. You used to be Mr. Big Britches and everybody did you bidding or lost their head yada, yada, yada. We hear it all the time. Well guess what, Your Fired!!! Yeah, things didn’t work out the way you deviously planned or your ego got to big, your subjects to ballsy for whatever reason you are out of a country to screw up. Listen to us and take some of our leader courses, offered for a discretionary fee and who knows you might be able to screw up another poor country some day (Certificates not included). We will go out of our way to make you feel at home, worshiped, followed or whatever floated your boat before you were needlessly overthrown. Just don’t let it go to your oversized head or abuse our staff, remember what I said about The Hague, we have them on speed dial. There will be no fighting with other guest tolerated. We run a peaceful facility here, which you apparently were unable to do or else your people would not have ran your ass out of your domain and wanted to kill you. You will be expected to mind your manners and pursue arts and crafts to keep you occupied (busy) and out of trouble, which is maybe something you should have thought of but hey that is why we are here, for you. As a totalitarian former leader you probably have some freaky deaky perversions, this is understandable but we have laws and expect them to be obeyed, unlike where your from. That is probably were you failed but no one is perfect. Just keep The Hague in mind and you will be fine, or else.

About our accommodations

While our facilities and terrain may not be exactly like your former cesspool, we are probably kind of similar to somewhere you have vacationed on your people’s misfortunes. We have meadows, trees, babbling brooks and gardens. With lots greenery, mountains and coastal areas are a mere two hour air conditioned bus ride away. Under no circumstances are you to wander of the farm (ranch) unsupervised, this is probably what got you in trouble in the first place. We provide all kinds of activities and entertainment for your pleasure and rehabilitation. We are also working with the one world government on getting Accreditation to qualify as a deposed dickhead halfway house so if you do get caught wandering off the farm, again. Your stay here with us will count towards your life sentence for crimes against humanity. There are no palaces or many mansions to speak of but we will keep the rain off your ass and you are welcome to bring your tent. As long as you don’t run around declaring Jihad, Jihad and can get along like a civilized human being, we are confident what we offer is preferable to the alternative. In case you are unaware of the demise of your fellow dickheads, it is not pretty. Act now slots are filling up fast. It is a whole new world and it doesn’t include room for you. You guys are dropping like flies. For a limited time only there is a special discount for Al Gore. Thanks for reading and remember comments are always welcome.

Tags

Al Gore, Bashar Al-Assad, Despot, Dictator, Freelance, Kim Jong Il, Libya, Moammar Gaddafi, Muammar Gadhafi, Ranch, Rehab, Writer

Meet the author

author avatar Robb714
I love cats and my dog. Making the world a better place for all humanity and animals, is my goal. My past is very blurry and my future is uncertain. People should know, I am a very dynamic and interesting type of person. I taught Batman self-defense....(more)

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Comments

author avatar Denise O
24th Feb 2012 (#)

Well as long as you keep the rain off my ass, I am fine with it. Where do I sign up. Love it. As always, thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Robb714
24th Feb 2012 (#)

Thanks Denise, I am pondering extending this one into a screen play, TBH!

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author avatar Legend
25th Oct 2012 (#)

Love it, very amusing!
Do you post also a hunting advertisement for the other side?

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