Survivors Thrive: Learn to Just Walk Away...

ELLENOUTLOUD By ELLENOUTLOUD, 8th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Self Help

Despite a rough start and rocky middle, a survivor of family and domestic abuse learns you can thrive and not retaliate. Sometimes you just need to walk away.

A House Without Filters

No one yelled at me today. No one was rude, abrasive, caustic, or mean. I haven’t always been able to say that.

I grew up in a household without filters. Oh, the air-conditioning system and our dryer had them, but the parent people were completely devoid of them. There was no filter on their mouths. There was a direct line from their thoughts to expression. They said whatever they felt.

So I heard “I wish you were dead” a lot. More than any child should. As if even once were permissible. “I’m going to kill you,” “I hate you” and worse. “I’m sorry you were born.” Words with venom. Syllables of cyanide. There was no talking back. You had to take it.

Ick, Ick, Ick.

Meanness is Familiar

The saddest part of growing up in that environment is the familiarity of it. So later in life, when others are vile and vicious in their speech, it’s not as repugnant as it should be. And patterns learned in youth persist. No talking back. Take it.

I suspect that’s why I endured the wretched abuse of my first marriage and poor treatment from others along my way. The meanness was familiar and my coping skills inept.

Sadly, I had lots of practice swallowing my tongue and very little unleashing it and I had childhood oaths not to let it spew poison as I’d witnessed others do. I’m a good tongue holder, and I actually studied how to wield it – effectively, positively, for good.

No Too Late To Change

At this late stage I’m happy to report you don't have to suffer in silence. Instead? I've learned how to deal with others that would use their mouths for malice. I don’t rebuke and I don’t try to change them and I don't stay and take it. I leave.

Sometimes the very best message you can send is just to walk away.

Tags

Domestic Violence, Surviving Abuse, Survivors Thrive, Verbal Abuse

Meet the author

author avatar ELLENOUTLOUD
A writer and motivational speaker for 25 years I love sharing vignettes and examples from life that will lift, encourage, and inspire. I offer fresh, humourous takes on everyday experiences.

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