Unsettling Feelings

Carol RoachStarred Page By Carol Roach, 11th Apr 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Health>Mind & Spirit>Mental Health

This article was written in June of 2005, in response to a nasty individual on another writing site who constantly trashed my work.

I am not the person I once was

It is the first time in my life that I have felt truly centered. It is the first time in my life I feel in harmony with the universe. However, lately I have been feeling rather nervous and jumpy. My emotions are out of control. These feelings are very unsettling for me since I have been at peace for a while now. I am going through a minor setback. I know it is temporary. I am not the same insecure person I was back in January. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am a stronger person, a generally happier person and a more confident person then ever before.

Mixed emotions

Yet, I am sitting here dealing with these mixed emotions. I am not really sure why they are now surfacing. Sometimes I am very angry and other times I am disappointed and hurt. Of course situations trigger reactions, but why have these reactions now?

I do not believe the reasons for these negative feelings are external. I do not believe the devil is putting temptations in my way. I do not believe there is a grand conspiracy designed to see me fail. But I do believe certain individuals are not right for me in this particular period of my life. My assessment is not based on the assumption they are bad people out to get me, but is based on the knowledge that my ego is very volatile and still very much in need of supportive and nurturing people who will help me along my path of self actualization.

I know I cannot control the behaviours of others. I can only control my own. I cannot make people like me nor can I make them appreciate my work, my art, my passion, my writing, or any other part of who I am. I learned long ago to change the things that I do not like about myself, not the things others do not like about me. The bottom line is that I have to like me. I spent most of my life pleasing others. I did what they wanted me to do. I sacrificed myself and my desires to please others. I cannot do that anymore.
I am no longer that person. I do what my heart and soul demand of me; regardless of how others feel about it. In the end, if I do not heed my calling, it is I who will suffer the consequences. It is I who will live with the broken dreams.

Negative feedback

I will never again succumb to negative feedback. I will never again allow my spirit to be broken because of another. The power is within me. My path in life will not be that of another. My journey is personal, a road that can be traveled only by me. I may invite companionship along the way, in fact I very much desire it, but it is understood this is my personal journey not theirs. I will not allow anyone to block the road ahead of me or try to direct me onto another course. My course is dictated by my heart, my soul, my mind, and my creator. My road is the road of a published author. There is a burning desire in me to write, and although I am not a Shakespeare, Faulkner, or Steinbeck, I am an author and I have a message, I have a style, and I have a direction and a goal.

I have done quite a bit of introspection about these unsettling feelings. I analyzed my reactions to these negative comments transmitted by others and I have considered the source. I do not feel I reacted out of a false sense of pride. I do not feel that I rejected these comments and opinions because I feel my work is beyond reproach. I am an artist, I must create my dreams, but at the same time I am a professional and will use all the constructive feedback necessary to refine my skills. I, like anyone else who is self actualizing, must be the best that I can be. To settle for anything less would be harmful and a waste of my God given talent.

I have also come to the conclusion that since I am in a very vulnerable state at this point in time, evidenced by these unsettling feelings, I must not allow negative influences in my life. I must protect the core of my being. Again this is a covert reaction to an overt situation. It is not to be thought of as blaming anyone. It is simply a protection for me. I must remain true to who I am without external interference. I am a creative writer branching into the area of fiction writing which goes by a different set of rules and expectations.

Part of my self actualizing includes studying about the positive forces of the universe. If I want positive forces in my life I must associate with positive forces as well. I will no longer allow negative forces within my personal orb. I no longer want to think negatively about myself, or my work, and I do not want to send negative vibrations into the world. Living positive energy in a happy healthy environment will make me a better person and create a ripple effect sending love and positive feelings to all the people I love and admire. It will also help me to reach the hearts and souls of others who are yet to hear my words.

I do not doubt for a moment that these unsettling feelings will once again dissipate and I will return to the new centered person I have become. I have the power and I know how to make it happen.


All photos taken from the public domain
Do you have a passion to write? Do you want to share your words with the world while getting royalties on your work for years to come? Follow me here on Wikinut

Tags

Bad Feelings, Being Balanced, Being Centered, Emotional Turmoil, Emotions, Energy, Feelings, Good Feelings, Mixed Emotions, Negative Feedback, Self Actualization, Sending Positive Energy, Universal Dreams

Meet the author

author avatar Carol Roach
Retired therapist and author of two books, freelance writer, newsletter editor, and blogger. I write, health, mental health, women's issues, animal , celebrity, history, and SEO articles.

Share this page

moderator Steve Kinsman moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know

Comments

author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
11th Apr 2015 (#)

I can relate with this post, Carol. I too went through times when others tried to exert undue influence over me and I was anxious to please them. Thankfully, I now live listening to my own heart - siva

Reply to this comment

author avatar n.c.radomes
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Congrats Carol for breaking free from the problem that have tried to stifle your literary growth or freedom to say something.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Mariah
11th Apr 2015 (#)

I think most of us who have tried to please others in life have through periods of vulnerability Carol, and you are so right in stating that you can't make people treat others as they should...so we eventually have to build up our own resolve to protect ourselves from the situations that are destructive to us by recognising what they are and begin to heal ourselves in the realisation that it's not within our power change those who don't share the same morality. We have to reject the ongoing misery that they bring to our lives..and that's not always easy, but we get there. Stay positive.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Retired
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Great post. I'm simply overwhelmed by the wonderful way in which you've portrayed your feelings herein. Hats off to you!

Reply to this comment

author avatar spirited
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Positive self-assessment, and powerful messages to yourself.

Maybe this helped to re-balance you at the time, thanks for sharing it here carol

Reply to this comment

author avatar Retired
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Thats Carol for you. She breaks the barriers the harder and difficult they come.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Thanks Carol for sharing this wonderful article. I've been writing for many years and I've had a lot of my ork published with great reviews. I've also had negative reviews along the way. In the beginning each time I would get a negative review it was like being cut to the core. I've now learned how to put it into perspective. The good far exceeds the bad. Blessings!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
11th Apr 2015 (#)

I'm on my Nook and it is supposed to be work.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Carol Roach
11th Apr 2015 (#)

sorry I don't understand what you mean I am on my nook

Reply to this comment

author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
11th Apr 2015 (#)

I have a Nook which is a tablet from Barnes and Noble and sometimes it jumps around. I use my Nook for updates.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Randhir Bechoo
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Interesting article.

Reply to this comment

author avatar cnwriter..carolina
11th Apr 2015 (#)

dear Carol...there will always be people who put us down..especially those who like you and me and many others here are creative...
i just tell those negative ones to piss off!!!! and that takes away the hurt feelings and makes me laugh XXXX

Reply to this comment

author avatar Kingwell
11th Apr 2015 (#)

Hi Carol, Congratulations on breaking free of this negativity. I think we all suffer from it sometimes and there are always those who love to push our buttons. Blessings.

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Username
Can't login?
Password